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11.2.20

11.2.20

It's Monday. THERE IS ONE GODDAMN DAY UNTIL THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. Trump says he'll fire Fauci as his own doc apologizes for doing Russian propaganda, the president fortifies his bunker because he's a fraidy cat and how the orange asshole plans to claim victory on Election Night.

Note: Ho! Ho! Ho! Ok y'all. It's Election Eve. Democracy Claus is packing up his sleigh, and Republicans are trying to figure out how to shoot him down. Y'all got all your democracy shopping done? We don't know about y'all, but this weekend was intense. We perfected the art of living-room-pacing-while-eating-oreos-by-the-handful. Yes, it is an art and possibly an Olympic event, according to our sources. Yeah, we can't lie. We've been eating a lot of our feelings this weekend. Having Halloween weekend be the same weekend we're feeling more anxiety than ever before was not a great idea. We feel like we have that giant garbage island in the Pacific in our bellies. And we didn't even mention the fucking time change. We've never been so disoriented and frazzled while still being so keenly aware of what day it is. Like we have no idea what time it is, we're still in robes and Adam is wearing what appears to be an old bowling shoe as a hat (Shhhhh! Nobody tell him). So yeah, we are a fucking mess, and we're not even sorry about it. We've got about 36 hours to save this country, and that would make anyone a little antsy. We know y'all have been out there laying it down, so we're not gonna pester you to do more today and tomorrow. Psyche! (We've never written that out before. Is that the psyche spelling you go with?) Of course we're gonna pester you. We know you're worn out. We know you're sick of all of this shit. But the world is counting on you. So for the next two days, you just gotta be a meth head for democracy and work work work until you can't feel your face. We're almost there. 

Note two: Did you see the scumbags who were protesting Biden as he came out of church? Yeah, their signs said he's not a good Catholic. You know what makes someone a shitty Catholic? Yelling at people coming out of church. Trump has turned half this fucking country into Westside Baptist Church. 

Note three: It's pretty crazy that Trump keeps stranding his supporters in the cold and it's treated like a minor story instead of the perfect goddamn metaphor for him as a person and a president. But at this point we all know our political press sucks. We're just waiting nervously to find out how much. More: Mediaite

Note four: Speaking of which, read Margaret Carlson on the challenges the media are sure to fail tomorrow night. More: Washington Post

Note five: And y'all know we always read Garrett Graff… More: Wired

Note six: A quick programming note. We got so many amazing emails from y'all after we raised the question of what comes next for TBS. Well don't you worry your sexy little heads about it. We're gonna be with you until this thing is settled, and we're planning to keep going in some way, shape or form. But right now we've got one focus. After we beat Trump and save America, we can make all kinds of plans. That said, thank you. Y'all really know how to make an old newsletter feel good. 

Note seven: El Paso brought in a fourth mobile morgue to deal with COVID cases. If America elects Trump despite shit like this, then we'll know this country is too fucking stupid to live. More: KVIA

Note eight: We're not gonna stop celebrating this. We've got a chance to make some real history tomorrow, y'all. More: Washington Post

Note nine: Oh look, a Republican super lawyer confesses about how full of shit Republicans are when it comes to voter fraud. More: Washington Post

Note 10: This is an upsetting project the NYT did that looks at how often the cops side with right-wing white supremacist nutjobs. More: New York Times

Note 11: Want to know how the exit polls are gonna work this year? More: CNN

Note 12: Per ESPN, LeBron James nonprofit organization signed up more than 40,000 volunteers to work at polling places. No wonder the douchebag right wants him to shut up and dribble.

Note 13: Liddle Marco Rubio, the gutless little bee-yotch who polishes Trump's shoes, was being very Trumpy at a Trump rally in Florida, laughing and endorsing the Texas scum who threatened the Biden bus. He's not up for re-election this year, but we're thinking he's one of our next top targets. Who's on board?

Note 14: Aren't you glad to be on the same side of all of this as Stevie Wonder? Like can you imagine having political views and then learning that Stevie disagrees with you? We'd never forgive ourselves.

Note 15: Ok y'all, it's time to get nasty. After Tuesday, there is no tomorrow. So give everything you've got tomorrow. We need to juice our E-Day turnout, so make calls, make texts, make love. Do the third one after you've made calls and texts. You don't want to creep out any undecided voters by trying to do all three at once. This has been a hard few days on top of a hard four years. But we're getting close. So please just hang in there and keep kicking ass. We love y'all, and no matter what happens tomorrow, we're gonna get through it together. Let's do this thang!

Note 16: In case you need it, here are a couple of jams from the Obama '08 playlist. They always get us in a democracy-saving mood. Have a fantastic day. More: YouTube, YouTube II

Doctor Strange as hell

Our idiot president smiled and preened yesterday as his idiot supporters chanted "Fire Fauci! Trump then said he would probably do so after the election. He can't technically fire Fauci, but let's be honest, if he wins re-election technicalities won't stop him. The pandemic is completely out of control in this country, and this is pretty much all Trump has to say about it. The doctor he does like, the teevee quack making Dr. Nick look smart, apologized yesterday. Not for his immature and inappropriate attacks on his colleague, but for appearing on Russia Today television. Yeah, he said he had no idea it was a registered foreign agent. Thank goodness this genius is in charge. More: CNN, Axios

Built that wall!

Remember when the super tough guy president hid in the bunker like the giant orange chickenshit that he is? Well, he wants his bunker tougher in advance of tomorrow, so they're building a new unscalable fence to go around the WH, the Ellipse and LaFayette Square and they're putting 250 national guardsmen on standby. Guess if it comes down to it, we're gonna have to drag that dirtbag out of our house. Or maybe we just fill it in with cement and build a new White House. This one has Trump stains all over it anyway. More: CNN

Cool story, bro
 

Per Axios, Trump is planning to claim victory tomorrow night if he appears to have a lead. He denied this to reporters but said he would be sending his lawyers in to stop votes from being counted after election night. The president has added to his stump speech the ludicrous claim that we've always had a decision on election night and it would be unfair to him to actually count the votes. These troubling developments combined with the more endorsements of violence by his supporters. Yesterday on twitter, the president reacted to the news that the FBI is investigating the Mad Max douchebags in Texas by saying they had done nothing wrong and the FBI should focus on antifa. We seriously can't take another four years of this. C'mon, America. Please be as good as we hope you are and better than we think you are. More: Axios

Today's clips
In a show of support of questionable political value, pro-Trump demonstrators clogged freeways Sunday across the country, from blue states like New Jersey, New York, and Washington state, to red-leaning Texas and purple Arizona. "WHOOO! We shut it down baby! We shut it down!" says one pro-Trump videographer as he pans the camera nearly 360 degrees, showing viewers the group of cars that had brought traffic to a complete standstill along the northbound Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. 
More: The Daily Beast
 

A House subcommittee on the coronavirus crisis blasted the Trump administration's response to the pandemic in a report Friday, calling it "among the worst failures of leadership in American history."
More: NBC News
 

From the deepest conservative states to more Democratic-leaning terrain, Senate Republicans face a brutal political environment that has left the GOP needing to pull off a near-perfect run in a dozen highly competitive races to retain the majority.
More: Washington Post

Joe Biden was spending the final days of the presidential campaign appealing to Black supporters to vote in-person during a pandemic that has disproportionally affected their communities, betting that a strong turnout will boost his chances in states that could decide the election.
More: Associated Press

In a frenzied burst of campaigning in the last days of the presidential race, President Trump has accused doctors of fabricating coronavirus deaths for money, pantomimed a physical fight with Democratic rival Joe Biden, mocked a Fox News host for wearing a mask and celebrated his supporters for using pickup trucks to ambush a Biden campaign bus on a Texas highway.
More: Washington Post

A Twitter account that tweeted a call to violence and claimed to be representing the position of "Antifa" was in fact created by a known white supremacist group, Twitter said Monday. The company removed the account.
More: CNN

The British public would kick Donald Trump out of the White House in this week's U.S. presidential election and elect Joe Biden in a landslide instead, according to an exclusive POLITICO poll by Hanbury Strategy.
More: Politico

Joe Biden's campaign fundraising efforts have quietly turned toward raising additional money for a possible post-Election Day legal fight with President Donald Trump that could stretch through November.
More: Politico

 

 













 

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