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It's Wednesday. There are 27 days until the presidential election. The ugly truth about Trump's child separations comes out, a drug-addled dipshit tanks the markets while negotiating with himself and it's debate night but probably shouldn't be.

Note: Happy Hump Day! How fitting since this country is totally humped. It's hard to believe it has been four years today since we learned the guy who was accused of all that sexual assault was on tape bragging about grabbing women "by the pussy." Of course that was the same day that President Obama accused Russia of attacking our democracy and Wikileaks started releasing Podesta's emails. Even harder to believe is that Trump and his Russian handlers have so far gotten away with everything. It can be tough to take. Just like it can be tough to watch a man so carelessly and recklessly endanger so many lives. It can make you feel powerless. It can make you feel Trumpy (impotent). It can make you wonder what's the point. Well, our answer to that is Goonies never say die. Yeah, the Fratellis are chasing us, and this time they've got a deadly virus and they're trying to destroy the whole country. But down here, this is our time. We're gonna get One-Eyed Willie's gold, and we're gonna save this country. This makes us think Trump has probably made Chris Christie do the truffle shuffle. Also, we think Scaramucci should be Sloth since he was with them and now he's kinda with us. Or should the Lincoln Project be Sloth? Hmmm. Now this is a fun debate. Hit reply and tell us who you think should get the Baby Ruth. And remember, no matter how fucked up things might be right now, Goonies never say die. 

Note two: Fuck. Now we really want to blow off work and watch Goonies. Oh well. After the election.

Note three: We didn't make fun of Kayleigh yesterday for getting sick. Like at all. Don't worry. We haven't turned over a new leaf. It just got crowded out with all the other news. Anyway, thoughts and prayers and middle fingers. As for Stephen Miller getting it, well, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. 

Note four: Damn it hurts to lose Eddie Van Halen. Here's Everybody Wants Some as featured in the John Cusack movie Better Off Dead. More: YouTube

Note five: Huge congrats to the Seattle Storm on winning the WNBA championship in the Wubble last night. It is nothing less than a freaking miracle that these ballers were able to finish the season in the middle of a deadly pandemic and a season of social unrest. Well done!

Note six: LOL. Need a mood booster? That pasty gun-toting trash in St. Louis got indicted yesterday. More: FOX8

Note seven: Joe Biden's speech in Gettysburg yesterday was really impressive. But we can't stop thinking about the part where he discussed Doc Rivers's remarks. More: NBC Washington

Note eight: All the members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff are having to quarantine. That's some damn fine presidenting. More: Washington Post

Note nine: A handmaid on the Supreme Court. Ugh. More: Washington Post

Note 10: Here's this week's column a couple of us are doing. It's called "It's the Stupid, Stupid." More: MeidasTouch

Note 11: The outbreak at the White House is sad and infuriating. But it's also just really fucking embarrassing. More: Washington Post

Note 12: Please let Trump go to jail because of that ridiculous hair. Please let Trump go to jail because of that ridiculous hair. Please let Trump go to jail because of that ridiculous hair. More: New York Times

Note 13: It is endlessly fucking crazy that a roided out president and his party are using Russian intelligence to call for the arrest of Americans. Yo, White House press, we know you're busy and probably frightened, but this demands some attention. More: Washington Post, Politico

Note 14: That is way too many notes. We used to think 10 was a lot. But this dexamethasone has got us feeling right! We're gonna listen to some Rush (the band), lift some weights and put our heads through a car window. Woohoo! We're kidding of course. We leave the hard stuff for the guy who can launch nukes. This week is lasting longer than most, so we hope y'all are hanging in there. Don't forget to practice some self care. Things are hard and scary, so make sure you take care of you. We love y'all. Have a great day. More: Washington Post

Think of the children

The NYT dropped a bombshell last night that makes clear the Trump administration wanted to take kids away from immigrants. With shocking quotes from Jeff Sessions and Rod Rosenstein, it is clear we are dealing with actual monsters. Rosenstein even clarified that it didn't matter how young the child was. One report said they were taking infants while they were still breastfeeding. This was all done in our names. And we are fucking pissed about it. More: New York Times

What is happening?

The president is on drugs. And he's an idiot. That's a damn dangerous combination. So yesterday, while Speaker Pelosi and Douchebag Mnuchin were still trying to negotiate on COVID relief, Trump announced he was pulling the plug. Yeah, he said he was canceling negotiations and there would be no relief for hurting Americans until after the election. Then he quoted the Fed chair saying we need more stimulus. Then he asked for a standalone bill on the airlines, which Republicans blocked last Friday. Then this morning, he repeated his call for standalone bills as his chief of staff told reporters the talks were still off. Maybe it's not the greatest idea to have a drug-addled dipshit steering the ship when we're about to hit an iceberg. More: Washington Post

Git 'em, Kamala

Tonight is the night that Kamala takes the fight to Mike Pence. Of course this shit shouldn't be happening at all. Pence is surrounded by people who are infected, and we don't fuck around with our Momala's health. This idiot even fought against plexiglass dividers. Well, if we have to do this, then let's do it. And let's let the whole world hear from Kamala how the head of the coronavirus task force completely fucked everything up. Thankfully, JB Smoove is saying there shouldn't be a presidential debate if Trump still has COVID. For some reason that statement was treated as news instead of common fucking sense. Anyway, you got this, Kamala. And we've got your back. Give 'em heck (edited for the Pences). More: Washington Post, CNN

Today's clips

Facebook said Tuesday that it is banning all QAnon accounts from its platforms, a significant escalation over its previous actions and one of the broadest rules the social media giant has put in place in its history.
More: NBC News

The state is investigating the crash, which may have prevented thousands from registering before the original deadline, AP reports. Investigators are now working to determine if the crash was a "deliberate act."
More: Axios

Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron dismissed calls for a special prosecutor to investigate Breonna Taylor's death and rebuked his critics in an interview with "Fox and Friends" on Tuesday morning.
More: CNN

A likely contagious President Donald Trump returned to the White House Monday evening, whipped off his mask and filmed a video, heavy on bluster and short on facts, that proclaimed: "The vaccines are coming momentarily."
More: CNN

The White House on Tuesday, after weeks of delay, approved tough new standards for coronavirus vaccines — but only after the Food and Drug Administration unilaterally published the guidelines on its website as part of briefing materials for outside vaccine advisers.
More: Washington Post

U.S. Attorney John Bash, who serves the Western District of Texas, will resign at the end of the week to take a position in the private sector, according to a Monday statement from the Department of Justice.
More: Texas Tribune

I served as a special agent and senior executive in the Secret Service for 23 years, including in supervisory roles under President Ronald Reagan and Vice President Dan Quayle. During my time with Reagan, we required the agents to wear protective vests whenever they accompanied the president outside the White House. These vests were very uncomfortable, but everyone understood and accepted the need to wear them. On a number of occasions, I asked the president to wear one. His response was similar to that of the agents, but he never refused to wear the vest.
More: Washington Post

As the scope of the White House coronavirus cluster comes into focus, D.C. residents are expressing frustration and concern about how the outbreak might affect the local community. Local government officials are reporting a surge in demand for coronavirus testing.
More: NPR



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