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It's Monday. There are 29 days until the presidential election. A sick fuck endangers others with a joyride after a weekend of lies, the NSA gives Russia a green light and no wonder they want to make it harder to vote in Texas.

Note: Well hello there, you sexy patriots. How in the world are you? Are you feeling ok? If not, are you doing everything you can to make sure others get sick too? Of course not, right? Because you're not a fucking psychopath. Remember when America had a reputation for being smart? We put a man on the moon and invented a whole bunch of cool shit, and so we were the world's smart table in the global cafeteria. Then we elected the dumbfuck from one of the other tables who liked to eat paste and thought it was funny to put mashed potatoes in his nose and ears and now we're this. A country with a sick president who rides around his supporters like the most deranged shriner in the most deranged parade in history. Really, we should've gotten him a little hat and a little car, and then he could drive around honking the little horn and infecting his supporters all the livelong day. We don't even have any jokes about it. The president is dumb, our country is dumb as long as he's president and we've got less than a month to get smart again. So let's get smart. Or at least get us some of the toxic paste to eat. 

Note two: Y'all know us as eternal optimists. We inhale sunshine and goodness and we shit out rainbows. So allow us a moment to look at the silver lining of the big dumb orange fucking moron being hospitalized this weekend with a virus he ignored — there were almost no tweets. Now this morning of course he was back at it in full all caps idiot mode. But this past Saturday and Sunday, for the first time in a long time, we could hear birds singing again and we're not talking about that little blue fucker from twitter. 

Note three: Does anybody else feel like we got robbed of a couple of delicious Kim Guilfoyle and Melania news cycles? We really could've gotten into 48 hours of Melania hates Christmas and kids coverage. More: Washington Post

Note four: Today is the last day to register to vote if you live in Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Mississippi, Ohio, South Carolina, Tennessee and Texas. If you're not registered, get on it. In fact, if you're not registered, get the fuck out of here. What are you even doing here? 

Note five: Sorry to be so harsh in the last note. But y'all know we gotta be strict about this stuff.

Note six: So we've been pretty good about ignoring polling and just focusing on the work, but there were some findings over the weekend that made us piss ourselves laughing and we just had to share. First, Reuters found that 65 percent of voters believe "if President Trump had taken coronavirus more seriously, he probably would not have been infected." And the AP found that 72 percent said Trump didn't take the risk of contracting the virus seriously enough or take the appropriate precautions. Hard to get a sympathy bounce when the country thinks you brought this on yourself by being a moron.

Note seven: We are very hard on the White House press corps around here. And that's probably not going to stop. But we do want to send well wishes to the reporters who have been infected by the Trumplings while just trying to do their jobs. Get well soon, and we're sorry the president endangered your lives. It's what he's been doing to the rest of us for a while. 

Note eight: It sure is fascinating how fast twitter moved to ban posts from people wishing for Trump's death. They sure as shit didn't do that for The Squad. More: CNN

Note nine: We wanted to make sure you didn't miss this from last week. Democrats put up a resolution condemning the fucking lunacy that is Qanon, and 17 Republicans voted against it. More: Huff Post

Note 10: This is easily our favorite story of the weekend. We're sending a TBS salute to the real Proud Boys! More: Forbes

Note 11: Happy birthday to our friend Rex Chapman who is fighting the good fight down in Kentucky. 

Note 12: Ok, everybody. Masks, seatbelts and condoms on. This is gonna be the week from hell. We're in the homestretch now, and it's time to get nasty. Make calls. Make texts. Make change. Make yourself a nice breakfast. We love y'all, and we hope you have a wonderful week. 

Sick fuck

Donald Trump, who was hospitalized on Friday with COVID that we're kinda sure he has, went for a joyride yesterday to see his supporters, endangering the lives of his Secret Service agents and making clear he has no intention of taking this seriously. The joyride followed two days of lies and obfuscation from the White House and the president's doctor. So what did the NYT do? They wrote a story about how Biden has been "cagey" on COVID protocols, which is actually the opposite of the truth. But hey, it got them a Fox and Friends segment this morning, and they can tell everyone how fair they are. Anyway, Trump is trying to go home today, and the right is eager to cheer him on as a hero. We're eager to see who the first MSM reporter is who ignores the recklessness of all of this to describe the president as a changed man. More: CNN, CNN II, Washington Post, NBC News

Russia, if you're listening

Robert O'Brien, Trump's National Security Adviser and the most gullible man on the planet, said that he has been assured by Russia that they won't interfere in our election. And the NYT actually wrote this up like a real news story. Russia has of course never stopped interfering in our elections even for one second after 2016, and it is now pretty fucking clear that the Trump administration is covering for them again. As Garrett Graff pointed out, O'Brien's bullshit would be more believable if Facebook hadn't just removed a whole Russian intelligence network just 10 fucking days ago. More: New York Times

Everything's bigger in Texas

Including the corruption. Texas AG Ken Paxton is in hot water. You might remember him as the right-wing scumbag who has led the fight to get rid of Obamacare and voting rights. Well, his top aides have asked federal investigators to take a look at all of his bribery and abuse of office. Guess now we know why they try to make it so hard to vote there. More: Statesman

Today's clips

Wisconsin Sen Ron Johnson has defended his decision to attend an Oktoberfest party on Friday while waiting on his COVID-19 test results, saying he took the test as a precaution. More: Daily Mail

After months in which Trump and others in his party questioned the danger of the virus and refused to take precautions such as wearing masks, the Republican Party is now coming face to face with the scientific realities of the pandemic.
More: Washington Post

Senate Democrats on Thursday urged the health department's watchdog to probe whether Trump administration political appointees interfered with the Covid-19 response to play down the virus' risks and change language to align with President Donald Trump, citing reports from POLITICO and other news outlets.
More: Politico

Sen. Patrick J. Toomey (R-Pa.) won't seek reelection in 2022, triggering a competitive race in the battleground state, and won't run for governor, according to three Republican officials.
More: Washington Post

Two political appointees at the federal agency that oversees the Voice of America recently investigated one of its most prominent journalists to make the case he was biased against President Trump.
More: NPR

The email urging defiance was a small glimpse at the unusually aggressive, hyperlocal legal strategy the Trump campaign is activating as voting begins. Through threatening letters, lawsuits, viral videos and presidential misinformation, the campaign and its GOP allies are going to new lengths to contest election procedures county-by-county across battleground states. More: Associated Press

President Donald Trump has had difficulty articulating a second-term agenda. But there is one thing he's itching to do if he wins another four years in the White House: ditch his FBI director Christopher Wray, whom he privately trashes as a tool of a supposed "deep state."
More: The Daily Beast

President Donald Trump in March said he didn't have "a lot of time" to meet with Dr. Anthony Fauci as the coronavirus pandemic surged across the US, according to newly released audio from an interview with journalist Bob Woodward.
More: CNN

Republican donors who attended President Donald Trump's fundraiser at his Bedminster, New Jersey, golf club are panicking after being around the commander in chief hours before he announced that he was infected with the coronavirus.
More: CNBC



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