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Happy Friday. There are FOUR MOTHERFUCKING DAYS until the presidential election. Don Jr says a bunch of dead Americans are pretty much nothing as the numbers get really scary, Texas already passed its 2016 total as Trump tweets to SCOTUS and Facebook fucks over Team Joe.

Note: Well, how we doing? Yeah, we know. You're fed up, you're tired, you're angry, your feet hurt and you're sexy as all hell. But y'all, we are in the final sprint. Joe's out there in the rain, Kamala is going to Texas and people are voting like their lives depend on it  Because they do. Who knows if this thing will actually end next week, but regardless, we wanted to take a moment to say thanks. These last few years have been tough on Americans, and writing TBS every day has been a wonderful way for us to cope with it by cussing and laughing in the face of tyranny. But more than that, we were fortified for this fight every time we heard from you, knowing others were hurting and pissed off too. Trumpland is hard, but knowing you're not alone in your anger, your outrage or your sadness, is a big damn deal. We don't know what the future holds for TBS. We'll talk about it more after Tuesday and we want your input, but right now we've obviously got bigger, oranger fish to fry. So thank you for joining us, and thank you for helping us keep some sense of sanity. Well, as sane as you can be when you make this many jokes about Rudy fucking his cousin.

Note two: Some programming notes. We're off tomorrow but back on Sunday. Also, don't forget to set your clocks back this weekend. How far back depends on how this election turns out.

Note three: Anxiety is riding high these days, right? It's like we're just wondering what the falling leaf is that's going to break us and make us finally and completely lose our shit. Is it Kanye giving Kim a holograph of her dead dad? Is it Lil' Weezy being Liddle Weezy (h/t a tweet we can't remember)? Is it Brett Favre… nope, it's not Brett Favre. The lunacy is coming fast and furious stylez right now, so it really could be anything. Have we always been this stupid and iphones and twitter just made it obvious? 

Note four: If you're looking for Glenn Greenwald news or takes, you're gonna have to find a newsletter that gives a shit. And that ain't us. 

Note five: So what are you watching for Halloween since the things we'd normally do might get people killed? We love the Brooklyn 99 Halloween episodes, Hocus Pocus, Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors, What We Do in the Shadows and of course Ghostbusters. What's that? No, there are no scary movies on our list. If we want to be scared, we watch the news or we think about President Don Jr.

Note six: Tamir Rice and his family deserved better than this. So spare us any bullshit about some fucking platinum plan. More: New York Times

Note seven: Score one for local journalism! More: The Florida Times Union

Note eight: Speaking of Florida, this lady who went into labor but still made her husband stop at the polling place is our new hero. Unless she voted for Trump. More: WFLA

Note nine: Oh look, they identified the teenager that Trump's favorite war criminal stabbed to death. More: NPR

Note 10: Is there anything sweeter than watching Trump turn his back on the gutless Republican Senators who kissed his ass and enabled him? Yes, there is. Watching them cancel their debates because they got their asses kicked. More: CNN, AJC

Note 11: Philly police are a fucking disaster. More: Philadelphia Inquirer

Note 12: So are Louisville police. This is grotesque. More: CBS News

Note 13: Jerry Falwell is suing Liberty. Damn that's delicious. More: NBC News

Note 14: Speaking of the platinum plan, here's another white supremacist working for the Trump administration. More: Washington Post

Note 15: There are so many scummy celebs out there. We honestly didn't know we could hate the Kardashians this much. And then there's Paul Rudd. More: Buzzfeed News

Note 16: Gosh, why would this constantly confused klansman suddenly think it's time to take it easy on Hunter Biden? Do we think it's because it's all bullshit? More: NBC News, The Daily Beast

Note 17: Oh Chuckles Todd. You insufferable butt brain. More: Mediaite

Note 18: Remember when there were never more than like five notes? We don't know what happened. We asked Don Jr. for a little help and now we can't stop writing notes or scratching our necks or sniffling or offering to do unspeakable things for blow.

Note 19: Here's our second column from some of us this week. More: MeidasTouch

Note 20: Ok, let's get to the news section. The two words we want you to remember for these next four days are "keep going." No matter what they throw at us, keep going. No matter how awful they are, keep going. And no matter how much they try to stop us, keep going. We love y'all, and we know these last few days are hard. So much anxiety. So please take care of yourselves, mask up and fight like the dickens for what's yours. And try to have a Happy Halloween. Now here's the Peanuts gang singing the Ghostbusters theme song. More: YouTube

"Now I know why tigers eat their young"

Don Jr. was on tv coked out and dumb as fuck again last night. After 971 Americans died from COVID yesterday, the dumbest of Trump's dumplings went on Fox and said we're not talking about deaths because "the number is almost nothing because we've gotten control of this thing." The reality is that almost a thousand of us are dying a day. Today we will hit 9 million cases as a nation. Yesterday we set a single day record for new cases at 88,521. Death tolls are expected to triple by January. The most popular starting quarterback in college football tested positive yesterday. No, we are not rounding a corner. More: Politico, CNN, Associated Press


We're not even at Election Day yet and Texas has already surpassed its 2016 total vote. That's insane! And since Trump knows he's losing with voters, he was up at 3 am tweeting at SCOTUS to swing the election his way or they might find the court getting crowded. They are going to throw out every vote that was received after Election Day. They are brazen and they don't care how bad it looks. Just prepare yourself for that shit, and tell anyone you know who hasn't voted yet to do that shit in person. More: Texas Tribune, The Hill

Fuck Facebook

Just as everyone predicted, in the last days of the campaign Facebook is putting its finger on the scales for Trump, disallowing thousands of Biden ads that had already been approved. Team Joe unloaded on them yesterday, and despite their excuses, we can all see what's happening here. Mark Zuckerberg better fucking hope Trump wins. Otherwise, his free pass days are fucking over. More: Politico

Today's Clips

The Trump appointee who steered a $300 million taxpayer-funded ad campaign to "defeat despair" about the coronavirus privately pitched a different theme last month: "Helping the President will Help the Country."
More: Politico

Iowa voters won't be able to cast their ballot at any of those polling places this Election Day because of hundreds of closures and consolidations that have rippled across the state due to the coronavirus pandemic.
More: NPR

Walmart Inc. has removed all guns and ammunition from the sales floors of its U.S. stores this week, aiming to head off any potential theft of firearms if stores are broken into amid social unrest.
More: WSJ

A panel of federal appellate judges ruled Thursday that ballots that arrive after polls close in Minnesota on Election Day must be segregated from ballots that arrive earlier, suggesting that future rulings could invalidate the late-arriving ballots.
More: Politico

But behind the scenes, a strange calm prevails. The man who helped create Fox News as the most influential platform for conservative politics in America fully expects that Biden will win — and frankly isn't too bothered by that.
More: Washington Post

When Vice President Mike Pence first took charge of the White House's coronavirus task force, among his earliest moves was establishing a standing call with all 50 governors aimed at closely coordinating the nation's pandemic fight.

Yet as the U.S. confronts its biggest Covid-19 surge to date, Pence hasn't attended one of those meetings in over a month.
More: Politico



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