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10.29.20

10.29.20

It's Thursday. There are FIVE DAYS until the presidential election. Republicans' voter suppression efforts come into full view, Jared bragged about ignoring doctors and the economy is still in the shitter.

Note: Hey everybody! Who's ready to kick an orange idiot out of office? Yes, us too. Who's falling asleep in a pool of ass sweat every night because they're scared that might not happen? Uh, yeah, we're totally not either. In fact, we're totally chill. As Outkast said, we're cooler than Freddie Jackson sipping a milkshake in a snowstorm. Oh fuck it. You got us. We can't lie to you, you sexy patriots. We are scared shitless. Well, we wish we were scared shitless. Then we could stop pooping ourselves. In the most fucked up election in American history, we seem to have the votes to win. And yet we're still worried. Why? Because we're up against criminals who hate America and Americans and will straight up steal this shit if they can get away with it. But we have a secret weapon. It's the only way we're able to get any sleep at all without drowning in that pool of ass sweat that we definitely don't have. Our secret weapon is you. Because while Republicans don't believe in the American voter, we sure as hell do. In fact, you're the only hope we have left. So if you haven't voted yet, put this shit down and get it done. The jokes about Rudy fucking his cousin will still be here after you're done. If you have voted, find another way to help. Make calls for the party in Nevada or Pennsylvania or Michigan. We gotta dig deep. No regrets. Or the fear we're feeling now is gonna be a quaint memory for the next four years. 

Note two: See? After extolling the virtues of self-care yesterday, we figured we'd try to bum you out today. This is why we don't get invited to parties. What's that? Oh yes. Newsletters party like crazy. Except Playbook. They just drink drifter blood and go to sleep under the stairs. 

Note three: In case you missed it last night, Tucker Carlson was already to bring down Joe Biden, and then his dog ate his homework. Yeah, Tucker did his best impression of Geraldo opening Capone's vault, and it was truly embarrassing. Dude is the first person in history to take off a bow tie and become even more ridiculous. More: The Daily Beast

Note four: Want our take on Anonymous? Fuck that piece of shit. 

Note five: The Atlantic keenly observes that the press is giving Trump a pass again. Maybe they're cool with more than 225,000 dead Americans too. More: The Atlantic

Note six: Can you imagine how big a story it would have been if Joe Biden stranded a bunch of senior citizens out in the freezing night and several had to be hospitalized? More: The Daily Beast

Note seven: Spotify apparently wants to be the new Facebook, profiting off of hate speech and death. More: Buzzfeed News

Note eight: In addition to being a weasel, a traitor and a kiss-ass, DNI John Ratcliffe is also just a goddamn liar. More: Politico

Note nine: After Mitch McConnell's protege pulled some shit, Breonna Taylor's mother wants a new prosecutor to look at the case. Give it to her. More: WFPL

Note 10: How embarrassing is Justice Kavanaugh? Vermont is formally asking him to fix his ridiculous mistakes. More: CNN

Note 11: This is a phenomenal piece of journalism. It compares Trump's COVID experience with that of a Black family that got hit around the same time. There was no Marine One waiting on their lawn. More: Washington Post

Note 12: Kelly Loeffler says she was not familiar with the Access Hollywood tape. We sure hope this awful, awful lady loses so she can get on with the rest of her life as a punchline. More: WXIA-TV

Note 13: The note train is rolling along this morning-ish. If you're in the path of Hurricane Zeta, please be safe. This is also good advice if you're in the path of Hurricane Donald. More: CNN

Note 14: Remember the other day when that birther idiot who married Trump and his gross wart-covered mushroom dick tried to lecture us on manners? Someone tell that moron to go be best herself while she's hating on Christmas and kids. 

Note 15: So while Trump and Barr are plotting to arrest and jail protesting Americans, they're doing favors for Erdogan. More: New York Times

Note 16: Even in an industry jam-packed with weasels, Rep. Jeff Van Drew manages to stand out. More: CNN

Note 17: Ok the notes have gotten out of hand. But what can we say? Writing TBS keeps the ass sweat at bay. We all just gotta be like that kitten in the poster and just hang in there, baby. Keeping a democracy is hard goddamn work. So how do y'all look so good doing it? We love y'all, and we know you're out there kicking ass. Damn the torpedoes and the Trumpers. Have a fantastic day.

America 2020

That's what we used to be. But now that one party wants power without counting votes, we're not real sure what the hell we are anymore. While Trump has been lying and superspreading, his strategy of voter suppression is coming into full view. They're hoping the courts will stop counting ballots after Election Day. They're hoping armed poll watchers will scare voters away. They're hoping they can just straight up steal this fucking election. Here are a shitload of links about what they're trying to pull. It's not hard to see the 2020 election being remembered as the Battle of Philadelphia. More: New York Times, Bridge MI, New Yorker, Politico, The Salt Lake Tribune, Statesman, Buzzfeed News

Almost as bad as the Subway Jared

Kushner sucks. He just sucks. He's the guy who will set your house on fire then brag to you that it was his Harvard degree that taught him how to save you money on your heating bill. And now we know he was bragging to Woodward that he stared down the doctors and the scientists and won. As Judd Legum points out, 185,000 Americans have died since he said it. Jared belongs in jail. He can stay in the same cell his fucked up daddy did. More: CNN

Putting the Gross in GDP

Trump is bragging about GDP numbers this morning, so let's talk about it for a second. Trump is very excited to announce the great American comeback and boast about his record number. So here are the real numbers that matter — 12 million still unemployed and the economy is still 3.5 percent smaller than it was at the end of 2019. In other words, we are still very much in a recession, and all the glitter and bullshit in the world doesn't change that. More: NBC News

Today's clips

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said Tuesday that it's not her responsibility or that of the federal government to track school districts, their coronavirus infection rates and how they're reopening – the most direct response to education leaders across the country who have been urging the Trump administration for a comprehensive database to help them navigate the pandemic.
More: US News

The White House coronavirus task force's weekly state reports released to states on Tuesday and obtained by CNN show maps of critically, startlingly high numbers of new cases in the center of the United States, with some relief on the East and West Coasts.
More: CNN

Amid a record surge in early voting, millions of mail ballots remained unreturned Wednesday, prompting a flurry of warnings from election officials that ballots sent via the U.S. Postal Service at this point may not arrive in time to be counted.
More: Washington Post

Shortly after joining the White House as President Donald Trump's pandemic adviser, Dr. Scott Atlas launched a quiet effort that seemed counterintuitive to some of his colleagues -- encouraging officials to limit Covid-19 testing mainly to people experiencing symptoms.
More: CNN

The architect of Donald Trump's hardline immigration policy, senior adviser Stephen Miller, is said to have a drawer full of executive orders ready to be signed in "shock and awe" style if Trump is re-elected.
More: The Guardian

Wide majorities of Michigan voters support banning guns in the state Capitol and the open carrying of firearms at polling places, according to a Detroit News/WDIV-TV poll.
More: Detroit News

President Trump will open up more than half of Alaska's Tongass National Forest to logging and other forms of development, according to a notice posted Wednesday, stripping protections that had safeguarded one of the world's largest intact temperate rainforests for nearly two decades.
More: Washington Post

 










 

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