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10.26.20

10.26.20

It's Monday. There are eight days until the presidential election. The president rails against "losers" who report about the pandemic as cases continue to spike, Moscow Mitch orders champagne and taunts Democrats and Mike Pence doesn't care if he's a superspreader or not.

Note: Hello there, you scrumptious freedom-fighters! And how are you on this lovely Monday morning-ish? Feeling like a speed addict who spent the night on the hood of a freight train? Yeah, us too. We must be getting close to Election Day. Oh that's right, we're only EIGHT days until the big one. When we started writing this thing, the number of days until the election was 500 and something. It was so far off that counting the days seemed like a good way to keep us focused and mindful of the fact that our chance to fight back was coming. But if we're honest about it, it really doesn't work. This election started over a month ago. As of yesterday, more than 58 million Americans had already voted, exceeding the early vote total of 2016 with more than a week to spare. People are fired the fuck up. Guess they get that way when a gameshow host lets their friends and family members die. But we're an old newsletter; set in our ways. So we'll keep counting down until next Tuesday, and after that, well who knows… maybe a midterm countdown. Truth is, we're not thinking past next Tuesday. Like the Woodland Fairies in Blades of Glory, we're living in the now. So we got eight days. Eight days to kick some serious ass. Eight days to make calls. Eight days to text. Eight days to give it everything we've got. Y'all ready?! Hell yes you're ready. So let's do this.

Note two: We do have to come clean about something. We said we're not looking ahead, and for the most part that's true. But we have started work on a screenplay. It's called "Fuck the Halls," and it's about the first lady who hated Christmas and children. It's for Hallmark, but we're not sure they'll be cool with all the cussing or the scene where the first lady pretends to buy toys for kids in cages and then gives them to her husband who gets very angry because he can't figure out how to put the ball in the cup. Yeah, it'll be like a Wonderful Life except at the end you'll be bummed if things turn out well for her. 

Note three: Excuse us while we take a full minute to clear our throats before we say this. AHEM. FUCK PEGGY NOONAN! We see you dog-whistling with your bullshit, racist attacks on Kamala. You're trash, lady. Washed up, rancid, soaked-in-trash-juice trash. 

Note four: TBS is the newest member of the Deandre Hopkins fan club. More: AZ Central

Note five: Ben Smith got the scoop on how the attempted attacks on Hunter Biden went down, and how the WSJ news section embarrassed the living hell out of the op-ed page, which then doubled down and embarrassed itself some more. Rupert Murdoch hates America, and we need to start acting like it. More: New York Times

Note six: If Trump has lost Putin, who does he have left? Oh right, toothless sister-fuckers and people whose boats are at the bottom of a lake. More: Reuters

Note seven: Oh shit. Look who's going to Texas. More: Houston Chronicle

Note eight: Wow. Even the hacky Republican paper in New Hampshire is endorsing Biden. More: Axios

Note nine: It's not great that so many in law enforcement are siding with the criminal. But the one good thing about Trumpland is that a lot of these kinds of people can't help but reveal themselves, letting us see who they really are. More: NBC News

Note 10: This is quite a headline just more than a week out from an election. More: Washington Post

Note 11: You're gonna be shocked by this, but one of the GOP's rising stars is a super fucking racist asshole. Cory Booker is calling him out on it. More: Washington Post

Note 12: Ok, y'all, we're in the pressure cooker now. We gotta step it up. No matter how hard we've worked or how many people we've won over, we gotta push it to 11. Our motto for the week is "No Regrets." We actually came up with it after a disastrous Note Three a few weeks ago, but it works here too. Y'all are the freaking best, and there's nobody we'd rather be in this fight with than you. So let's finish strong. Have a fantastic week, wear a mask, take care of yourselves and know that TBS loves you very much.

"Losers!"

That was the inspiring message from the president of the United States this morning as he once again railed against reporters reporting about the deadly pandemic ravaging the country. According to John Hopkins, more than 225,000 Americans have now died of COVID, and Trump spent the morning arguing that talking about it should be an election violation. Trump is very angry people are talking about COVID, and he continues to argue that the only reason cases are up is because testing is up. You know what else is up? The average of daily new cases. According to Daneil Dale, there are 41,000 Americans hospitalized, and more than 8,100 in ICUs. In Utah, hospitals have been told to ration care. In Texas, a federal disaster team is being dispatched to overrun El Paso. Things are bad. They're going to get worse. And if we don't elect Joe Biden, they're going to stay that way. More: Associated Press, Houston Chronicle, The Salt Lake Tribune

Champagne

That's what Mitch McConnell and Senate Republicans had delivered to the Capitol yesterday to celebrate their own scuminess. Instead of working on COVID relief for a hurting nation, Mitch and his merry bunch of pig-fuckers went about ramming through a horrendous new SCOTUS justice who will overturn Roe, take away healthcare from millions, make it harder to vote and just generally bring about the end of democracy. Adding insult to injury, Mitch is even taking shots at us because he knows how weak some of our people are and he knows they probably won't get rid of the filibuster. "A lot of what we've done over the last four years will be undone sooner or later by the next election. They won't be able to do much about this for a long time to come." What say you, Democrats? Want to prove this purpled-handed taint sniffer wrong? Yeah, us too. More: NBC News

Head of the task force

Even though five people in his inner circle — including his body man — have tested positive for COVID, Mike Pence, head of the COVID task force, is not quarantining and will preside over the Senate to confirm Amy Coney Barrett. Senate Democrats are pleading with him to stay away, but Pence is a selfish asshole who doesn't give a shit if he gets other people sick or not. More: NBC News, LA Times

Today's clips

If President Trump wins re-election, he'll move to immediately fire FBI Director Christopher Wray and also expects to replace CIA Director Gina Haspel and Defense Secretary Mark Esper, two people who've discussed these officials' fates with the president tell Axios.
More: Axios

Former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb said "the short answer is yes" when asked whether Vice President Mike Pence is putting others at risk by continuing to campaign after several aides tested positive for COVID-19, stressing that the White House needs to be "very explicit about the risks that they're taking."
More: Axios

Democrats are coming after Ron Johnson in 2022.

With the presidential election not yet even in the books, Democratic opposition is already lining up to run for the Republican's Senate seat two years from now in Wisconsin.
More: Politico

The cash-hungry Trump campaign has turned to a cheaper strategy to try to remain on the airwaves, flooding TV and radio through local media bookings and back-to-back-to-back rallies.
More: Politico

White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on Monday rejected Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden's assertion that the Trump administration was waving a white flag in its fight against the coronavirus — but nevertheless doubled down on his controversial acknowledgment that the United States would not "control" the pandemic.
More: Politico

 

 





 

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