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10.21.20

10.21.20

It's Wednesday. There are 13 days until the presidential election. The president of the United States has a bank account in China, the U.S. can't find the parents of 545 migrant children and the White House fights 60 Minutes more than it fights COVID.

Note: Hot damn y'all are looking fine and patriotic today. Us too? Why thank you for saying that. We figured, but it's always nice to hear. Especially when you're down in the dumps like we are today. No, it's not the usual collapse of American democracy that's got us feeling blue. It's the fact that we're worse than Don Jr. Ok, ok maybe we're being a bit dramatic. But we're definitely worse than cable companies or several famous serial killers. Yesterday was Kamala's birthday, and we totally fucking biffed it. And just when we were about to forgive ourselves, we learned that we missed Snoop's birthday yesterday too. Now look, we don't normally do birthdays because that's what Politico Playbook does, and we really try to avoid emulating the kind of people who fart in elevators or dog-nap your beloved puppy just to feel something. But these were two big ones, and we just blew it. We're sorry, Kamala. You are, in the words of Leslie Knope, "a rainbow-infused space unicorn," and we're damn grateful to be on your team. As for you, Snoop, well we're sorry. But we're guessing you could give a damn through a cloud of sticky-icky smoke. And Playbook, well, get help.

Note two: We usually like to keep the jokes going for a little bit before we get into the serious shit, but this one can't wait. Remember when Trump and Bill Barr decided they were going to tag cities they don't like as "anarchist jurisdictions?" Well now they want to go through with it and cut relief for COVID, HIV treatment and screenings for newborns. Yeah, he's coming for us, Blue cities. If we don't win, he's gonna nuke us. Either figuratively or literally. It needs to be said that someone who actually loves this country would never threaten shit like this. More: Politico

Note three: We're steaming over the contents of note two. Man, fuck that catelope joke.

Note four: Speaking of fruit, it occurred to us yesterday that if we pull this thing off, we might never eat an orange again. Or drink orange juice. Or come within 100 yards of an orange starburst. Giving up the last one means we'll have to get our Vitamin C elsewhere. What's that? Oh. Well, they still taste good.

Note five: We told y'all there was some shady shit going down with Mitch McConnell's protege in Kentucky and the Breonna Taylor case. Ok fine, you didn't have to be psychic to know that. More: NBC News, Associated Press

Note five: Here's a column from some of us this week just in case some of you are feeling too optimistic about the election. More: MeidasTouch

Note six: Y'all know we love us some LeBron around here. And what he does on the basketball court is only part of the reason why. Check out this interview he did. Our favorite part: 

Q: "What is most important to you come Election Day? Is it removal of President Trump, who I know you've had some back-and-forth with?"

A: "I don't go back and forth with anybody. And I damn sure won't go back and forth with that guy." More: New York Times

Note seven: Speaking of LA athletes, if y'all aren't watching the Dodgers' Mookie Betts in the play-offs, you're missing out. Dude brings the joy. And in Game One of the World Series, he brought everything else too. 

Note eight: Speaking of the World Series, last night Team Joe dropped a new :60 ad on Trump. AND IT'S NARRATED BY SAM ELLIOTT. And as if that wasn't enough, guess who's back out on the campaign trail today — yep, President Barack Obama. And that apricot asslick thought Leslie Stahl was too tough. More: CNN, The Wrap

Note nine: We can't stop laughing at how the Trump campaign is limping to the finish line. We think of the hours we spent worrying about his cash advantage, and we feel so damn dumb for not predicting that he would blow it all. Our hats off to the Biden fundraising team. And to you gorgeous heroes for making it rain. More: Washington Post

Note 10: This would normally go in the news section, but we ran out of room because of the president's other scandals. It's a big damn deal though. A massive government contract for 5G is being rushed to Karl Rove and his buddies. Keep an eye on it. More: CNN

Note 11: Republican senators are doing a great job of making us hate DiFi more than we already did. More: CNN

Note 12: Ok, a dozen notes for Hump Day ain't bad. Especially when we had to write from our shame closet because of the missed birthdays. We know these are the craziest days, but y'all are doing great. Just hang with us a little longer. We can see the finish line. We just gotta work like crazy until we get there. Keep your heads up. We can do this. Love y'all!

Bank shot

President Trump, who has at times centered his campaign around Joe Biden not being tough enough on China, apparently has a fucking Chinese bank account. Oh, and he took a $15 million payout from the Chinese WHILE PRESIDENT. Yes, this is some truly shady shit. But maybe it explains why Trump praised China's handling of COVID 37 times in the first four months (h/t Rep. Jamie Raskin). This should be a fucking blockbuster. But these days, who knows? More: New York Times

Shame

As a reminder that Trumpism has left a skidmark on the soul of America, NBC reported yesterday that lawyers appointed by a federal judge to identify separated migrant families are unable to find the parents of 545 children. It seems that two-thirds of them were deported to Central America without their kids. This is the kind of shit that makes us want to run through walls to defeat Trump and the monsters who carry this crap out. Lock them up. Lock them all up. More: NBC News

This is (almost) 60 Minutes

You've probably seen by now that the big orange crack baby had himself a hissy fit and refused to continue his interview with Leslie Stahl of 60 Minutes. CNN is reporting he couldn't handle questions about COVID so he flipped the board game over and stormed out. And instead of taking his loss like a champ, ol'  President Buttbreath took his fit public and has been threatening to release the whole tape of the interview before the package runs Sunday. Go ahead, scumbag, make our day. If there's one thing that binds Trump to his incel base, it's their fear and hatred of strong women. Anybody else excited to watch 60 Minutes this Sunday? But really storming out might have been Trump's play. He did another interview yesterday with professional butt-kisser Eric Bolling, who asked Trump if he had a "mulligan" with COVID, what would he do differently. Trump's answer? "Not much." More: Washington Post

Today's clips

A new public poll shows U.S. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell leading Amy McGrath by 9 points in Kentucky with just two weeks to go before Election Day.
More: Lexington Herald-Leader

His proclamations have been wildly inaccurate. When Trump first started making the claim in February, it was about the time the US had just suffered its very first known Covid-19 death. More than 220,000 deaths later, Trump continues to falsely claim that the virus will somehow just go away — even as the US experiences yet another surge in cases and hospitalizations.
More: CNN

President Donald Trump told White House chief of staff Mark Meadows his tweets about declassifying all Russia documents weren't an order to declassify or release those records, according to a sworn statement filed in court on Tuesday.
More: CNN

The coronavirus pandemic has left about 299,000 more people dead in the United States than would be expected in a typical year, two-thirds of them from covid-19 and the rest from other causes, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported Tuesday.
More: Washington Post

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis's administration delivered last-minute guidance to local election officials recommending measures that voting rights advocates say could intimidate or confuse voters, the latest salvo in a pitched battle over who is able to cast ballots in a state crucial to President Trump's reelection.
More: Washington Post
 

Elliott Broidy, a top Republican fundraiser involved in President Donald Trump's 2016 inaugural committee, pleaded guilty Tuesday to one count of conspiracy relating to a secret lobbying campaign to influence the Trump administration on behalf of a foreign billionaire in exchange for millions of dollars.
More: CNN

Prospects for an economic relief package in the next two weeks dimmed markedly on Tuesday after Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) revealed that he has warned the White House not to strike an agreement with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi before the Nov. 3 election.
More: Washington Post

New data from media intelligence company Conviva finds that Joe Biden has begun to draw more engagement per post on Twitter than President Trump.
More: Axios

A federal judge on Monday rejected a proposed settlement between the Trump administration and defrauded borrowers after the Education Department revealed its widespread denials of requests for student debt cancellation.
More: Washington Post

Authorities in Florida and Alaska on Tuesday were investigating threatening emails sent to Democratic voters that claimed to be from the Proud Boys, a far-right group supportive of President Trump, but appeared instead to be a deceptive campaign making use of a vulnerability in the organization's online network.
More: Washington Post

An order by the U.S. Postal Service to pull its uniformed police officers off city streets has sparked a legal battle pitting it against a police union, when the agency is already under scrutiny for delivery delays in a presidential election that could hang on mail-in ballots.
More: Wall Street Journal

A senior executive at the U.S. Postal Service delivered a PowerPoint presentation in July that pressed officials across the organization to make the operational changes that led to mail backups across the country, seemingly counter to months of official statements about the origin of the plans, according to internal documents obtained by The Washington Post.
More: Washington Post

Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett served for nearly three years on the board of private Christian schools that effectively barred admission to children of same-sex parents and made it plain that openly gay and lesbian teachers weren't welcome in the classroom.
More: Associated Press

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

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