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10.20.20

10.20.20

It's Tuesday. There are 14 days (TWO WEEKS!!!) until the presidential election. Trump can't stop attacking Fauci, some chilling foreshadowing for SCOTUS and the president of the United States is tired of talking about the virus that has killed 220,000 Americans.

Note: Hey there, beautiful people! Did you see the above? Two weeks?! How the fuck did that happen? We swear it was just yesterday that it was like 500 days of bummer. That means we've got 14 days to stop the craze. A fortnight to get it right. Two weeks to stop what reeks. Yeah, we don't know why we're channeling Don King this morning. Maybe we just feel like fighting. Or maybe we heard Tiffany Trump's Courtney Love impression and that put us in the mood for mimicry. What's that? Oh, that wasn't an impression? Yikes. Hard to see that story turning out well. But she's a Trump, so who cares? The real news yesterday was Jeff Toobin toobin' himself on Zoom. Man, that's one of those sentences you type out and then want to start drinking heavily in the morning. Anyway, we had a long staff meeting at TBS HQ last night (don't worry, we were socially distant and TBS HQ isn't a real thing) to discuss just how far a newsletter like ours should go with this thing. And then we decided to skip it. You know why? Because everything is a goddamn disaster and we're like 72 hours away from a world where everyone is masturbating publicly anyway. Seriously. We're already flinging our shit at each other. Isn't a public wank the natural next step? Obviously we don't condone such behavior in a work environment, but we're getting closer to a world where crazy shit like this makes sense. Also, it's pretty fucking hilarious. It gets even funnier if you imagine Toobin returning to the Zoom call with something white hanging from his ear like in There's Something About Mary. Ok, sorry. We'll stop now. 

Note two: We're actually grateful to Toobin for the laughs. Because of y'all, we had some dust in our eyes yesterday. Your kind notes about our big milestone yesterday meant the world to us. Y'all really are the freaking best. And you are so much better looking and patriotic that the trash that reads Politico Playbook. Heard they did another hit-and-run last night. Sigh. We're praying for the kids on that bus.

Note three: Well now this is special. According to Bill Barr, Trump was doing official presidential duty when he denied being a rapist. Y'all excited as we are to pay for President McDumbfuck's rape defense? Yeah, that's what we thought. More: New York Times

Note four: In Kentucky, our good friend Rex Chapman is bringing the heat to Moscow Mitch, dropping an ad yesterday for Amy McGrath. Ya know, Trumpland has been an endless goddamn nightmare. But it sure has been inspiring to watch non-political folks get in the fight. The Rexclamation Point from way downtown!  More: Twitter

Note five: Fuck this tipped over porta-potty of a year. We're pulling for you, Duderino. More: CNN

Note six: Check it out. Admiral McRaven went to the op-ed pages of the WSJ to endorse Biden. We expect Trump to claim the endorsement of Captain Crunch any minute now. More: Wall Street Journal

Note seven: On Fox and Friends this morning, Peach Putin again called for the arrests of his political opponents, saying, "We've gotta get the attorney general to act. He's gotta act. And he's gotta act fast. He's gotta appoint somebody." Yeah, we don't know what the hell that means either, but if this asshole wins another term, we're gonna be writing TBS from Gitmo.

Note eight: Ok are we alone in totally forgetting Chistie Alley existed? We're huge Cheers fans, so we remember Rebecca chasing after Robin Colcord, a rich narcissistic piece of shit who didn't really care about her and… oh yeah, Kirstie Alley. Now we kinda remember. Btw, you can catch Cheers on Hulu, and the old episodes with Coach are so much fun. No offense to Woody Harrleson, who we adore. 

Note nine: So the debate commission is going to mute mics. The Fox and Friends were furious. Tbh, we kinda were too. The more Trump talks, the worse he does. This seems like a gift.

Note 10: This bullshit attack on Hunter Biden was so gross even Fox wouldn't touch it. Until it became all they talked about. More: Mediaite, Politico

Note 11: Ok, that's probably enough notes for a Tuesday. Y'all holding up ok? We know there's just an open firehose of bullshit coming at you every damn day, and these last two weeks are going to be the craziest yet. But if we stay focused and keep fighting, then we're two weeks away from taking our country back. We love y'all. Please wear a mask, and if you need it occasionally, put a mask on your mind. Have a fantastic day.

Closing argument

Trump spent much of Monday attacking Dr. Fauci. On a call with his staff, on twitter, to reporters and at rallies. Yeah, 220,000 dead Americans, and our training wheels tyrant has decided the infectious disease expert fighting the virus is the real problem. He's taken to calling him a Democrat (he's not), and he loves making fun of him for his bad first pitch at the Nationals game. And let's be honest, if you've lost a loved one to COVID, that first pitch shit is really important. Meanwhile, Trump's chosen "expert" — Dr. Scott — was quoting 1984 on twitter yesterday because everything is just a fucking nightmare. 220,000 dead, and the numbers are skyrocketing. Protect yourself, and protect your people. More: Axios, Washington Post

Yikes

Yesterday SCOTUS gave us some good news wrapped in a future freakshow. A 4-4 decision with Roberts joining the liberals said that Pennsylvania's Supreme Court ruling that mail-in ballots can be counted up to three days after Election Day is ok. What's really fucking scary is that four justices essentially argued that state Supreme Courts have no say in determining the election laws in this country. They referenced fucking Bush v. Gore for Christ's sake. Guess what's going to happen when Amy COVID Barrett gets on the bench. More: Slate

Sick… and tired

Trump's other closing message is that people are sick of talking about the deadly pandemic that has completely turned the American way of life upside down. He made this riff several times yesterday: "They're getting tired of the pandemic, aren't we? You turn on CNN. That's all they cover. COVID, COVID, pandemic. COVID, COVID, COVID. They're trying to talk people out of voting. People aren't buying it, CNN, you dumb bastards." So yeah, that's the president of the United States sounding like a mass murdering Jan Brady. More: CNBC

Today's clips

President Donald Trump portrays the hundreds of people arrested nationwide in protests against racial injustice as violent urban left-wing radicals. But an Associated Press review of thousands of pages of court documents tell a different story.
More: Associated Press

The United States on Monday unsealed criminal charges against six Russian intelligence officers in connection with some of the world's most damaging cyberattacks, including disruption of Ukraine's power grid and the release of a mock ransomware virus that infected computers globally and caused billions of dollars in damage.
More: Washington Post

President Donald Trump's dishonesty is getting worse.

Trump has been reliably deceptive for his entire presidency, filling his speeches and tweets with lies and other false statements.
More: CNN

Sen. John Cornyn, trying to distance himself from President Donald Trump as Election Day looms, now says he opposed siphoning off billions from the Pentagon in order to build the border wall, a claim that directly contradicts multiple statements defending that budget maneuver.
More: Dallas News

Thousands of voters flocked to the polls throughout Florida on the state's first day of in-person voting Monday despite heavy rain across the state, adding to evidence that Americans are unusually eager to cast ballots in this year's presidential election.
More: Washington Post

If they decide the signature on the ballot can't be verified, Texas election officials may continue rejecting mail-in ballots without notifying voters until after the election that their ballot wasn't counted, the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Monday.
More: Texas Tribune

The Senate Judiciary Committee on Monday postponed plans to vote on subpoenas to compel the CEOs of Twitter and Facebook to testify on allegations of anti-conservative bias after some panel Republicans expressed reservation about the maneuver.
More: Politico

Wasting no time, the Senate is on track to confirm Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court by next Monday, charging toward a rare weekend session as Republicans push past procedural steps to install President Donald Trump's pick before Election Day.
More: Associated Press

 














 

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