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It's Monday. There are 15 days until the presidential election. Fauci fires back, Trump warns that Biden will listen to scientists and the president continues to attack a would-be kidnap victim.

Note: Hello there, you beautiful, sexy patriots! How the hell was your weekend? Oh yeah? Your faces melted off by the oil tanker spill of cruel and offensive stupidity that is the Trump campaign in the closing days of the 2020 presidential campaign? That is such a crazy fucking coinky dink! Ours too! Yep, where our gorgeous faces once rested is now just blood and skull. You know we're still making it look good though. Like only we could pull this shit off. Well us and Eric Trump. Yeah, having his face melted off would be a vast improvement for that dude. But as we were using play-doh and a gluestick to make new faces, we decided that we need to broaden our scope a little bit and really make these Republican fuckers pay. So we're introducing our new campaign — Vote And Put Some Stank On It! Essentially our idea is that it's not enough to just vote for Joe and Kamala. You gotta put some stank on that shit. And the way you do that is by going up and down your ballot, looking for Rs and voting against those assholes. After you do that, you make sure you've convinced five other people to vote against Republicans and you make sure their happy asses have a way to vote. If you do that, then you didn't just ballot slap Trump's dumb orange ass, but also the scum who enabled him at every turn. So vote and put some stank on it! 

Note two: The whole Trump crowd size thing has just gotten so pathetic. We'd call it masturbatory, but we don't want to make you throw up. Here's the thing everyone knows — if you've got a big crowd, you don't need to talk about it. More: Washington Post

Note three: So if you're like us, all this good polling is making your ass sweat and not in a good way. So if you need something to freak out about a little bit and maybe send a little money, then look no further than the Michigan Senate race. We need Gary Peters back in the Senate if we're going to give the ultimate Fuck You to McConnell. More: New York Times

Note four: Look at this pathetic used kleenex trying to scrape back an inch of his dignity. Sorry, John, you made your bed and french kissed Trump's ass in it. Ain't nobody forgetting about it. More: Fort Worth Star-Telegram

Note five: Man, we seriously love us some Fleetwood Mac, so this is pretty cool to see… More: Billboard

Note six: Georgia Sen. David Perdue is a racist piece of shit, and the Senate should be talking about censoring him today. The good news is this asshole is gonna have lots of time to learn Kamala's name. More: AJC, Washington Post

Note seven: You know shit is serious when the Beasties license one of their songs for an ad for the first time ever. We also like the Pixies. Hell, this whole ad is just Gen X viagra. More: Variety

Note eight: Friends, don't ever forget for a hot second who and what Mark Zuckerberg is. More: Wall Street Journal

Note nine: So we live in a world where cops just straight up say it's more important to protect their feelings than it is to protect the people they're supposed to serve. Disgraceful. More: Huff Post

Note 10: This is why court reform has to be a top priority for Democrats… More: New York Times

Note 11: Ok, kids. We're now in the very stupid time. The Republican closing message as of this Monday morning was to make disgusting attacks against Hunter Biden and Kristen Welker's parents. They're going to spend the next two weeks and one day trying to drag this country to hell. And we're gonna make them pay for it. So vote and put some stank on it! Also, we love you, and we hope you're keeping some sanity in this nightmare. Have a great week!

Note 12: We have one last  bit of breaking news. At some point last night, TBS passed 60,000 subscribers. And we are just sobbing messes over here. We started this thing for about six people, and it has grown beyond our wildest imagination. So thank you. Thank you for joining us each day to commiserate about how bad things have gotten and to get fired up to fix them. Thank you for reminding us that we're not alone in our outrage, our sadness, our anger. And thanks for being the kind of people who enjoy a good Rudy-banged-his-cousin joke. We love y'all, and we can't thank you enough for loving us back. Now let's keep kicking ass! 

Fuck him up, Fauc

After being used in a campaign ad against his wishes, Dr. Fauci is firing back at Trump. On a very special episode of 60 Minutes, Fauci said that he has been barred from media appearances, hired security because of threats to him and his family and he said that he was "absolutely not" surprised that Trump caught COVID after hosting a "super-spreader event" at the White House. The guy the president is listening to these days got his tweet disappeared from twitter because he was telling people not to wear masks like the dumbest fucking person on the planet. COVID is surging in America right now. It is bad. Trump doesn't get it. But you do. So mask up and stay away from crowds and Republicans. More: CNN


That was essentially Trump's message yesterday as he blasted Biden for wanting to "listen to the scientists." No really. We're closing in on 220,000 dead Americans, and this asshat is saying studying makes you not cool. Well, ok. As Axios points out, infections jumped about 17 percent last week. Great job, Trump. Keep firing, assholes. More: Axios, Washington Post

Git 'em, Gretchen

And because he's just a truly inhuman piece of garbage, Trump spent part of the weekend in the midwest attacking Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who was the target of a kidnapping plot by some super Trumpers. Instead of condemning the inbred cousin-fuckers who were planning violence against an elected official, Trump laughed it off and then led the crowd in chants of "lock her up." Whitmer's digital director said on twitter that every time Trump attacks her boss, "the violent rhetoric towards her immediately escalates on social media." This is America now. More: Washington Post, Axios

Today's clips

The State Department says it has about 450 pages of records showing government spending at President Trump's properties. But this week, it signaled that it plans to release only two of those pages before the November election — leaving voters in the dark about the full scope of taxpayer payments to the president's company.
More: Washington Post

President Donald Trump recently accepted $1 million in campaign contributions from a couple whose vocal support for the QAnon conspiracy theory led to the cancellation of a fundraiser they were supposed to host for Vice President Mike Pence last month.
More: Washington Post

The health department's top lawyer is warning in an internal memo that President Donald Trump's plan to give seniors $200 discount cards to buy prescription drugs could violate election law, according to three officials with knowledge of those legal concerns.
More: Politico

Recovering from a near-fatal poisoning, Russian opposition leader Alexey Navalny calls on President Trump to join other leaders in condemning the banned chemical weapon he says the Russian leader Vladimir Putin used to attack him. Navalny speaks to Lesley Stahl in his first U.S. television interview since being poisoned eight weeks ago with the nerve agent Novichok on the next edition of 60 Minutes, Sunday, October 18 at 7 p.m., ET/PT on CBS.
More: CBS News

Rachel Vindman -- the wife of retired Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, a key witness in President Donald Trump's impeachment inquiry -- slammed the President on Friday for going after her husband and family.
More: CNN

Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett has been accused of "unconscionable cruelty" by a watchdog group over her role in an appellate court decision overturning a district court which found a Wisconsin county liable for millions in damages to a woman who alleged she had been repeatedly raped by a jail guard.
More: Salon

The farther behind Donald Trump has fallen in the competition for campaign dollars, the more he's milked government resources to make up the difference.
More: Politico

In interviews in 10 states where early voting is underway, Black voters said this year's presidential election is the most important of their lifetime — some calling it more consequential even than 2008, when those who were old enough went to the polls in record numbers to make Barack Obama the country's first Black president.
More: Washington Post










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