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It's Thursday. There are 33 days until the presidential election. DHS told employees to say nice things about a double-murderer, how Trump got played by North Korea and we're feeling the Joementum.

Note: How the fuck is it only Thursday? We are pretty damn sure that debate lasted two days, so why hasn't the calendar caught up? Anyway, it has been an intense 24+ hours since the debate as Trump tried valiantly to clean up his refusal to condemn white supremacists with a deep and heartfelt plea for racial harmony followed by a massive contribution to the NAACP. Nah, we're just kidding. He said a bunch of gibberish about how he's always condemned white supremacists and then he went to Minnesota and said a bunch more racist shit. If you don't think this skidmarked klan robe is a racist by now, then we're guessing you're not the most open-minded person either. But none of those people come here to TBS because 1. They mostly don't know how to read and words scare them. And 2. They're busy putting on orange make-up and dancing in the mirror like the dude from Silence of the Lambs while pinching their own nipples and screaming "DOOONNNNAAAALLLLDDDD!!!!!" It's an ugly scene, but what do you expect from racist trash who deify a fucking gameshow host? 

Note two: Just ignore whatever parts of that first note you need to. Like we said, our brains are Friday mush today instead of Thursday mush, so if the jokes are a little off today, that's why. 

Note three: We want to extend our deepest condolences to Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. We can't imagine the pain they're in right now, and it infuriates us to see red hat scumbags running to twitter to try and make that pain worse. If you pray, please pray that Chrissy and John are able to find some comfort.

Note four: Amy Coney Barrett signed her name to a full-page ad that says people who provide abortions should be prosecuted. As Demand Justice's Brian Fallon points out, that does not appear to be on her Senate questionnaire. Oops. More: The Guardian

Note five: The Republican Party's flirtation with Q has led to death threats for one Democratic rep. Instead of apologizing, the NRCC doubled down. More: Buzzfeed News

Note six: Intel officials pleaded with DNI John Ratcliffe to not release bullshit information. But he did it anyway. On debate day. More: Wall Street Journal

Note seven: 50,000 airline workers are getting laid off today because no more help is coming from Washington. While Nancy and Mnuchin have been negotiating this week, Mitch has been throwing cold water on everything. But sure, Kentucky, he cares about working people. More: Business Leader

Note eight: And now a message from Hillary… More: Buzzfeed News

Note nine: If you didn't see the rising stars of the Democratic Party dragging pharmaceutical execs through the bowels of hell yesterday, then you really missed out. Katie Porter, we stan! More: STAT News

Note 10: This is so fucked up. And maybe it should be the most important news of the day. But a study of 38 million articles found that the "single biggest driver" of false information about COVID-19 is the president of the United States. He's probably telling the truth about voting though. More: New York Times

Note 11: Y'all see President Obama show up to the Lakers-Heat game last night as a virtual fan? Reason 2,763,948 that we have to elect Biden is so 44 can enjoy his retirement without some orange racist scumbag attacking him every day.

Note 12: Here's this week's column that a couple of us do. This week we went with a thank you note to JB Smoove. More: MeidasTouch

Note 13: Well that's enough notes for today. We hope they were coherent, or at least as coherent as usual. We hope y'all are holding up ok. We're in the really intense phase of the race now, and that shit can be stressful. Well, it is for normal people. But you've lived through four years of Trump and eight months of a pandemic. You eat election stress for breakfast. But just in case, please take care of yourselves. It's ok to unplug from this nightmare when you can. Wear a mask, wear your rain boots, wear something sexy and wear it with pride. We might be in hell, but y'all look just heavenly. Much love from TBS!

Note 14: Y'all know we try not to end on 13, so here's rehearsal footage of Prince doing Nothing Compares 2 U. Have a great day! More: YouTube

So fucked up

NBC is reporting that internal documents show DHS officials instructing law enforcement to say nice things about accused double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse. Yes, your tax dollars were used to defend a kid who drove 30 miles away with a machine gun and killed two Americans. When you're a Trump supporter, you can get away with anything apparently. So yeah, it's not an isolated incident when Trump winks and nods at the Proud Boys. More: NBC News

Love on the rocks

Ouch. WaPo breaks down how Kim Jong Un totally played Trump and kept growing his nuclear capabilities while at the same time writing "love letters" to the most gullible president in American history. In a normal world, this story would be shocking and a huge embarrassment to the U.S. But we're already shocked and embarrassed every day, and it was obvious to anyone not wearing a red hat that this diplomacy was a fucking joke from the beginning. More: Washington Post

Go Joe!

How great was it to see Joe doing a train tour yesterday? We love old-fashioned stuff like that and the video of people chanting "We want Joe!" at one of the stops gave us goosebumps. The local press he's getting in swing states is phenomenal. They're also cleaning up on the fundraising front after Tuesday night's debate. They raised $21.5 million yesterday and $10 million in the hours after the debate. Pro tip: It's better to spend the day after a debate raising money and being seen by voters instead of stumbling around your support for racist scumbags. More: The Philadelphia Inquirer, Politico

Today's clips

There was a time when much of the world watched President Trump's conduct with a mix of worry and amusement, concerned about U.S. policy but content to watch the spectacle. That time has passed. The global reaction to Tuesday's presidential debate was somber and disquieted, as countries considered anew the increasingly real possibility that the U.S. president could challenge the results of November's election, rattling the foundations of democracy and roiling the global economy.
More: Washington Post

A report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about safety procedures at a meatpacking plant whose workers were falling ill at an alarming rate early on in the pandemic is raising new questions from Democrats about possible political interference at the agency.
More: Washington Post

President Donald Trump's calls for his supporters to patrol polling places are thrusting a dilemma onto election administrators: They want to protect voters from intimidation, but they also don't want to depress turnout by amplifying Trump's plans.
More: Politico

Brad Parscale, a senior adviser to Donald Trump's campaign who was involuntarily detained by police this weekend, said he is stepping away from the reelection effort and seeking help for what he called "overwhelming stress" on him and his family.
More: Politico

The Trump administration has proposed further slashing the number of refugees the United States accepts to a new record low in the coming year.
More: Associated Press

USA TODAY Sports reviewed the political contributions of 183 owners from 161 teams across MLB, MLS, the NBA, the NFL, the NHL and the WNBA. The filings show that owners have collectively given at least $14.6 million to federal candidates during the 2019-20 election cycle so far – with nearly 86% of those funds going to Republican candidates and causes.
More: USA Today

The Agriculture Department last week began mandating that millions of boxes of surplus food for needy families include a letter from President Donald Trump claiming credit for the program.
More: Politico

A cascade of new layoffs announced this week is putting pressure on an already strained labor market, as numerous large companies have said they plan to shed thousands of workers in the final months of 2020.
More: Washington Post

"In tonight's presidential debate the President said the 'Portland Sheriff' supports him. As the Multnomah County Sheriff I have never supported Donald Trump and will never support him," Reese tweeted.
More: Washington Post




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