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9.28.20

9.28.20

It's Monday, goddamnit. There are 36 days until the presidential election. The NYT busts Trump as a tax cheat and a national security threat, Trump announces a SCOTUS appointment and admits she'll destroy the ACA and it's debate week, y'all.

Note: Oh what a beautiful morning. Just kidding. Everything totally sucks, but someone mentioned the play Oklahoma over the weekend and we've had that shit stuck in our heads ever since. So how are you today? Patriotic and sexy? Awesome. It was just another totally fucked up weekend here in Trumpland. Assface put up a new SCOTUS nominee, accused his opponent of being on drugs and then took off to the golf course. Oh and then he had a total meltdown after the world found out he's broke, in debt and about to get royally fucked by his creditors. But we'll discuss that in a moment. What we wanted to talk about briefly this morning is how grateful we are for the comedy his supporters produced after the NYT bombshell. "It just shows he's a smart businessman who knows how to avoid taxes." "This is just the Deep State trying to interfere with the debate." "If Trump shit on me, I would definitely get into Heaven." One of those is fake, but we're not telling you which one. You have to guess, and it's not as easy as it should be. Anyway, we alternate between despising and feeling sorry for these poor dumb lost devils, but we have definitely learned to love laughing at how dumb and submissive they are to a gameshow host who can't walk down a fucking ramp. Whenever we're feeling a little blue, we just think of sinking Trump boats. Thanks for the laughs, red hats! 

Note two: Are we feeling a little mean today? Yeah, we are. We get like that when Republican scumbags start selling "Notorious ACB" t-shirts while Justice Ginsburg hasn't even been buried. Fucking assholes. More: Washington Post

Note three: The Rock endorsed Joe and Kamala yesterday. Yeah, it really upset Dean Cain, leading people everywhere to ask — who the fuck is Dean Cain?

Note four: The U.S. used to condemn shit like this. Can't imagine why we don't anymore. More: New York Times

Note five: As you read about and stay pissed about Trump ducking his taxes for more than a decade, don't forget that your tax dollars are being used to produce $300 million worth of campaign ads that are supposed to make us feel good about COVID. It was the brainchild of lunatic and former Putin consultant Michael Caputo. More: Politico

Note six: Want to feel truly ashamed to be an American? Of course you do. More: CBS News

Note seven: Bill Barr is personally intervening in cases to go after protesters. We continue to be thrilled with our own party for completely giving him a free pass. More: New York Times

Note eight: Republicans have lost the moral high ground to… Michael Vick. More: Associated Press

Note nine: There is something rotten in Mitch McConnell's hometown. More: Vice, Courier Journal

Note 10: Dick Durbin's parents must've been fortune tellers. Because they named his perfectly for this moment. Hey Senate Democratic leadership, please stop sucking! More: The Daily Beast

Note 11: Watching Lindsey Graham beg for money is an unexpected joy this campaign season. More: Washington Post

Note 12: A quick word about Brad Parscale. We hate this fucking dude, and if it was anything else, we'd be making fun of him all day long. But there is nothing funny about suicide or mental health issues. We hope he gets the help he needs. And we hope he and people like him will stop trying to take away that help from other people who need it. More: Washington Post

Note 13: That's way too many notes for a Monday. We're sorry. We just missed y'all. You are the best readers a newsletter can have, and we won't ever let you forget it. We're in the homestretch now. Shit is going to get intense. So let's get through it together, shall we? Awesome. Love y'all. Have a great week.

Note 14: We don't like to end on 13, so here's an extra note to say you're doing great and we love you. 

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin lookalike 

Well, we know what's in Trump's taxes, and it's an ugly collage of blowing money, ducking taxes and owing millions. Yeah, fuckhead only paid $750 the last two years and ZERO in 10 out of the last 15 years. Why? Well because he's a cheat, but also because he's constantly losing money. $70,000 on that haircut? Are you fucking kidding? It's really some amazing journalism that serves as a reminder of what the NYT can be when it's not focused on gossip or trying to play the Washington game. How embarrassing for Trump. But moreso, how embarrassing for the gullible dumbshits who think this asshole is a billionaire business genius. Pro-tip: If someone orange asks to borrow money, say no. More: New York Times, CNN

Anti-RBG

Remember evil Superman? Well that's what Team Trump is cramming down the nation's throat. This weekend, Trump nominated right-wing lunatic Amy Coney Barrett to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on SCOTUS, confirming all our nightmares. She talked about what a genius Scalia is. Then Trump basically admitted in a tweet that she's going to help destroy the ACA, and we once again thanked him for the messaging help. Sad truth is she is getting confirmed. The good news is Americans are opposed, so it's one more thing we can use to bludgeon a party that is about to lose a lot of races. More: NPR

How do you catch de fish?

With debate of course. Wait! Don't leave. We're almost done. And try that joke in a French accent. Still don't like it, huh? Ok, we'll move on. Tomorrow night is the first debate between Orange Scumbag McFucksHisDaughter and Joe Biden. Biden has really been stepping up his verbal jabs at Trump, so we're eager to see what he does. Trump meanwhile has continued to make a complete fool of himself in the run-up. WaPo reports that Trump is going to attack Hunter Biden and do some other silly offensive shit. Ok, we're cool with that. But don't expect Chris Wallace to act like a real journalist. The Presidential Debate Commission says it doesn't expect its moderators to act like fact-checkers, so consider that the first white flag from the media. What a damn joke. Oh well. We've got faith in Joe to do this thang, and we can't wait to see it happen. More: Politico, Washington Post, Axios

Today's clips

The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has grown increasingly concerned that President Donald Trump, pushed by a new member of his coronavirus task force, is sharing incorrect information about the pandemic with the public.
More: NBC News

A Justice Department official told ABC News Friday that Attorney General William Barr personally briefed President Donald Trump about the DOJ's investigation into a small number of ballots in Pennsylvania that were found to be discarded, prior to the information being made public by a U.S. attorney's office Thursday afternoon.
More: ABC News

President Donald Trump's remarks at a campaign event in Ohio this week reverberated all the way to a sparkling waterfront in Florida, where senior citizens parsed his assessment of the coronavirus pandemic.
More: Associated Press

An assistant US attorney in Massachusetts is the latest federal prosecutor to criticize Attorney General William Barr, accusing the top law enforcement official of a "dangerous abuse of power" by politicizing his position and doing the bidding of President Donald Trump.
More: CNN

Georgia health officials have decided to withhold information about coronavirus infections at each school, saying the public has no legal right to information about outbreaks that the state is investigating.
More: AJC

The United States has told the Iraqi government and its diplomatic partners that it's planning a full withdrawal from its embassy in Baghdad unless Iraq reins in attacks on personnel linked to the American presence there — a move that Iraqi officials said caught them by surprise.
More: Washington Post

White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on Sunday delivered a pointed rebuke of FBI Director Chris Wray after he testified that there isn't evidence of coordinated national voter fraud, despite President Donald Trump's baseless claims otherwise.
More: CNN

 A year before President Donald Trump alarmed Americans with talk of disputing elections last week, his team started building a massive legal network to do just that.
More: Politico

As conservative activists canvassed the neighborhood, one young mother, a baby in her arms, shouted through a closed window that she was in quarantine. Across the street, another was focused on teaching her children their daily lessons at the kitchen table.
More: Associated Press

 

 

 

 

 







 

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