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9.25.20

9.25.20

Happy Friday. There are 39 days until the presidential election. Trump's chief of staff attacks the FBI as it becomes very obvious Trump will try to refuse to leave office, DOJ fucks around with our elections and Trump finally releases his joke of a healthcare plan.

Note: Well, we made it through another week in Trumpland. We should really start giving y'all medals for that. As we write, RBG is lying in state in the U.S. Capitol. She is the first woman and first Jewish American to do so because when America talks about equality and justice we are full of shit. She tried to change that. And they're going to replace her with a woman who hates women. It really is so fucking depressing. That's why we've started snorting lines of confetti. Yep, we go to a party supply store, and buy that shit by the barrel. Then we cut out some bright and colorful lines, throw on some Stones "Monkey Man" and start blowing rails of confetti. We look like we've been making out with a party clown, we can no longer breathe through our noses and it has done exactly jack shit to improve our moods. But four years into Trumpland, we're getting desperate. So happy Friday. It's party (supply) time. 

Note two: We're kidding of course. Please don't put any party supplies or anything else up your nose. You don't want anything getting stuck up there like Lindsey Graham and Trump's ass.

Note three: As we mentioned, RBG is the first woman to lie in state and both Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy are skipping the ceremony. They're no longer hiding who they really are because they know the people they represent are hateful scumbags too. They're even running ads using her voice to try and overturn her dying wish. If Democrats did this, the press would devour them. More: Politico

Note four: We're rooting for you, Mary Trump. More: CNN

Note five: President Obama unveiled his latest list of candidate endorsements today, and Rev. Warnock is on the list. That means Matt Lieberman isn't, which means it's official that everybody fucking hates that guy. Matt, if you're reading this, DROP OUT. More: AJC

Note six: Want to learn about some Utah racist trash? Of course you do. More: KSL Sports

Note seven: Rep. Attica Scott is Kentucky's only Black woman legislator. So of course she was arrested for protesting the decision to let Breonna Taylor's killers go. She's being charged with a felony because we now all live in the Old South. More: LEX18

Note eight: Karen McDougal can't sue Tucker Carlson because no reasonable person would think Tucker Carlson is anything other than full of shit. That's a judge saying it; not us. If it was us, we'd talk about what an effete little racist kiss ass he is. More: New York Times

Note nine: Ron Johnson doesn't seem like a very good senator. Or like much of a human. More: Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Note 10: Speaking of shitty senators, Thom Tillis is buying into bullshit conspiracy theories about the COVID death toll. We're linking to Salon because the Capitol Hill press corps is a fucking joke and for some reason ignoring this story. More: Salon

Note 11: What a fucking skidmark of a week. We're sorry to be so negative and good-looking today. A weekend with a scumbag SCOTUS nominee should turn that frown upside down into a smile that would frighten the Joker. If you're having a hard time, we promise you're not alone. This shit is fucking terrifying and sad and infuriating. But the important thing to remember is that you're doing a fantastic job in unprecedented circumstances. Keep doing what you're doing, and please know that all of us here at TBS love you. We're in this together. So let's be cool and kick some serious ass. Have a great weekend! 

Note 12: Here's the Peanuts gang rocking Tom Sawyer. It goes great with uncut confetti. More: YouTube

Note 13: And since it's been such an STD of a week, here's the Muppets doing Bohemian Rhapsody. More: YouTube

Note 14: We didn't want to end on 13, so we figured we'd tell you we love you again. Also, here's the latest from our friend Brian Karem, who this White House loves to attack for having some guts. More: Playboy

Lost in the Meadows

Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows went on the CBS morning show and attacked the FBI director for testifying in front of Congress yesterday that he has seen zero evidence of widespread voter fraud. The attack comes a day after Trump again refused to commit to a peaceful transfer of power, saying only he would agree with the election results if they are free and honest. Considering this asshole has never seen anything he considered free or honest in his life, that's a pretty big fucking warning shot. In fact, it was so obvious and blatant that the Washington press corps even finally figured it out. CNN has a follow-up story on the Atlantic's look at how Republicans in key states are planning to cheat for Trump. America is in a bad way, y'all. More: Washington Post, CNN, Politico

WTF?!

DOJ gave away some of its plan to help steal the election yesterday when it issued a bullshit press release saying that nine military ballots for Trump had been discarded. The GOP jumped on it, screaming fraud, only for DOJ to rescind its press release and put out another one that was almost as full of shit. It turns out there were only seven ballots for Trump. And they were spoiled because the people who sent them didn't do that fucked up envelope thing right. Also, why the fuck is DOJ coutning ballots anyway? If you had any illusions that Republicans aren't going to use every lever of power to cheat, then this should shatter them. They were still fucking lying about it today, and gutless monring show reporters were either too dumb or too afraid to call them out. When Trump does pull off coup, we'll be shocked by how much the free press helps him do it. More: CNN, Washington Post

Don't get sick

Trump finally unveiled his long-awaited healthcare plan yesterday, and just like his tiny little mushroom, it's a total joke. It's just a bunch of statements saying the U.S. will protect people with pre-existing conditions. It does not have the force of law or really mean anything. And Trump is also promising to send cards to seniors worth $200 that they can use to buy prescription drugs. Yes, that is a bribe. He also isn't saying where the money is coming from or how this would work exactly, so we're excited to see it blow up in his face. Senate Democrats, who are scared of their own shadows when they're not fucking up a one-car parade, are planning to make the SCOTUS fight all about Obamacare, and we have to admit we're excited to see how they screw it up. More: Axios, STAT News, NBC News

Today's clips

Former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe can move forward with a lawsuit challenging his firing, a federal judge ruled.
More: Bloomberg

Record numbers of Virginians are voting early and requesting absentee ballots this year, as the coronavirus pandemic and newly loosened election laws reshape Old Dominion voting habits in a presidential year.
More: Washington Post

The Trump administration is again taking aim at international students in a new rule that potentially limits the length of time students and others can remain in the United States.
More: CNN

The head of the government's main international broadcasting agency flouted a subpoena for congressional testimony Thursday, angering both Democrats and Republicans already alarmed by his management tactics.
More: Washington Post

When Secretary of State Mike Pompeo visited Wisconsin on Wednesday, Reince Priebus -- the former chairman of the Republican Party and President Donald Trump's first chief of staff -- traveled with him on the government plane, according to two State Department officials familiar with the trip.
More: CNN

The Trump administration rescinded an award recognizing the work of a journalist from Finland last year after discovering she had criticized President Trump in social media posts, then gave a false explanation for withdrawing the honor, according to a report by the State Department's internal watchdog.
More: Washington Post

 

 














 

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