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It's Wednesday. There are 62 days until the presidential election. President Ministrokes is on drugs, DHS gets caught covering up for Russia and Republicans try to erase 180,000 dead Americans.

Note: Hey everybody! Has Hump Day made you tell anyone to go hump themselves yet? Yeah, us too, but those nuns had it coming. They told us to be nice to our enemies. We said ok, fine, but we want to still be able to hate Mitch McConnell. And they were like, no, even Moscow Mitch. Then we were like, no fuck that guy and they were like you're the anti-christ and your newsletter sucks. And then we were like ladies, we're not even Catholic and our newsletter fucking rocks. And then they were like ok your newsletter is pretty cool and y'all are really good looking but you gotta be nice to people. And we were like ok we'll try to be nice to people except Mitch and then we googled Mitch and showed the results to the nun and she was like oh ok yeah fuck that guy. So yeah pretty normal day around here. 

Note two: So maybe taking Friday and Monday off isn't such a bad idea, huh?

Note three: We were gonna run this yesterday, and we forgot. But we didn't want to save it for the 21st night because it's such a great song and we want to listen to it all month. Ba de ya. More: YouTube

Note four: Oh shit. We're in a good mood now! Boogie Wonderland came on right after that, so this newsletter is getting done after a two-minute dance party (h/t 30 Rock). 

Note five: We're shocked that another one of Dr. Hamberder's Magic Elixirs didn't cure the deadly virus. More: Bloomberg

Note six: Trump stopped going to Dover because he's a chickenshit who couldn't handle being confronted by the father of one of the sailors he got killed. Someone should tell the Benghazi assholes about this shit. Great reporting. More: Huff Post

Note seven: LOCK. HER. UP. Hell, she could get five years just for what she did to the Rose Garden and Michelle Obama's speech. More: Washington Post

Note eight: So Peter Navarro isn't just a delusional dumb shit. He's also a complete fucking asshole. More: Washington Post

Note nine: This seems like the kind of thing we should talk to voters about… More: The Hill

Note 10: How the fuck is stuff like this still happening in 2020? More: Politico

Note 11: Oh, we could go all day with these notes. Especially with some Earth, Wind and Fire making our fingers dance on these here keyboards. But we'll bring it in for a landing so we can get to the news and see what new horrors await the American people today. We hope y'all are holding up ok and being safe. We also hope you're doing everything you can to kick some ass this November. Congrats to last night's primary winners. Notice we didn't even talk about how fucking stupid it is for Democrats to be spending millions of dollars attacking each other while an existential threat faces the country. It's because we're in such a great mood. Y'all have a great Hump Day! And here's this week's column some of us have started doing… More: MeidasTouch

"I'm on drugs!"

Ok that's from Almost Famous and not Trump's interview with Laura Ingraham last night. But what was in that interview was the president of the United States accusing Joe Biden of being on performance enhancing drugs. Yeah, we lol'ed too. Then we remembered that literally everything Trump accuses his opponents of is something he's done himself, so yeah, the ministrokes guy is on drugs. Why else would he keep talking about ministrokes all damn day? Biden never even mentioned it. Hilarious. The whole interview is really shocking. But the takeaway is that Trump can do this crazy shit every damn day and get a pass. Biden will be held to a different standard. When dipshit went to Wisconsin, he attacked protesters and then when asked about racism, said it was off-topic. He didn't even meet with anyone from the Blake family. Imagine the coverage if Biden had done that. And be sure to read the story about Trump posing for pictures at the camera store. More: TMJ4, CNN


ABC News has caught DHS withholding information from the American people about Russian efforts to portray Joe Biden as in mental decline. Gosh, now why would they do that? Is it because that's the exact same messaging Trump is using and this makes it really fucking obvious that Trump is working with Russia to win again? Yeah, of course it is. Between this and Barr's moves at DOJ and Ratcliffe keeping Congress in the dark, we are really up against it. And if we do win, we need to make sure these fuckers pay a price for these betrayals. More: CNN, The Daily Beast


Iowa U.S. Senator Joni Ernst is joining the president in pushing a Qanon conspiracy theory that says the COVID death count has been inflated. When Trump pushed this garbage on Fox, even Ingraham, one of the dumbest, most craven people alive, pushed back. Because here's the thing. Those deaths they're trying to erase were actual people. They had value. They had lives. They had people who cared about them. We'd say shame on these assholes, but this is what they are. More: Washington Post

Today's clips

The boyfriend of Breonna Taylor, the Louisville woman killed in a "hail of police gunfire" during a late night raid earlier this year, filed a civil lawsuit Tuesday against the city and department.
More: NBC News

Gina Ortiz Jones, an openly lesbian Democratic congressional candidate for a key swing seat in Texas, raised nearly $100,000 in three days after the National Republican Congressional Committee asked other GOP and conservative groups to attack her for being gay.
More: Huff Post

Russian opposition leader Alexey Navalny was poisoned with a chemical nerve agent from the Novichok group, the German government said Wednesday.
More: CNN

The Trump administration said it will not join a global effort to develop, manufacture and equitably distribute a coronavirus vaccine, in part because the World Health Organization is involved, a decision that could shape the course of the pandemic and the country's role in health diplomacy.
More: Washington Post

Top White House officials rang the alarm bell during a call with the nation's governors on Monday, pleading with them to advise college presidents in their states to keep COVID-infected students on campus or risk another major outbreak.
More: The Daily Beast

Federal prosecutors are preparing to charge longtime GOP fundraiser Elliott Broidy in connection with efforts to influence the U.S. government on behalf of foreign interests, according to people familiar with the matter, a result of a sprawling, years-long investigation that involved a figure who helped raise millions for Donald Trump's election and the Republican Party.
More: Washington Post

President Trump inserted himself squarely into the Big Ten's plan to return to play on Tuesday, setting up the most intriguing matchup we may see in the league this fall. It's the United States president lined up against the Big Ten presidents, a battle of wills and political allegiances, all disingenuously put forth in an attempt to capture the hearts and minds of voters in swing states.
More: Yahoo News

A different approach toward the coronavirus pandemic is taking hold at the White House, as newcomer adviser Dr. Scott Atlas eclipses Dr. Anthony Fauci in influence and President Donald Trump and aides are resigned to the virus' inevitable spread.
More: CNN

A former friend and adviser of Melania Trump said Tuesday that she made recordings of her conversations with the first lady because she needed evidence to protect herself amid questions about the costs of President Donald Trump's inauguration.
More: Associated Press

From the president's Twitter feed to the Republican National Convention to Fox News, a new talking point has taken hold among Donald Trump and his allies: that U.S. intelligence shows that China would prefer a Joe Biden presidency and is trying to help him win.
More: Politico

How ready is the U.S. Postal Service to process and deliver election mail on time come November? Not ready enough, the agency's watchdog says in a new report.
More: Washington Post

Kanye West's presidential campaign still hasn't filed its legally mandated FEC reports, but documents show Republican election lawyers keep climbing aboard his campaign to spoil Joe Biden's chances in November.
More: Vice



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