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Happy Friday. There are 46 days until the presidential election. The FBI director exposes a whole bunch of Trump lies, a former Pence aide drops the hammer and how Jared let Americans die. 

Note: Well hello there, sexy patriots. What a week, huh? Just another terrible stretch to be an American or a Clippers fan. But goddamn if we aren't speeding toward November like an out of control freight train or Don Jr. when he sees some lines of blow. Ya know, It can be frustrating to be a Democrat. Chris Murphy really pissed us off yesterday for example. But mostly it's an inspirational and rewarding experience. And then there are the times when you think of the contrast between the two parties these days and you just have to LOL. Like when you see some dumb motherfuckers surrounded by Trump flags and sinking in a Texas lake. Yeah, Biden boats float. The thing we started thinking about last night is how silly the cult of Trump would look on Biden. Very few people are getting Biden tattoos (if you have one of either him or Kamala, we fucking love that so send us a picture and we'll show it in TBS.), and you won't see Biden flags on people's houses instead of the American flag. It just wouldn't fit the man. Like rollerblading or leather pants or wayfarers. And that's because of one simple reason: It ain't about him. It's about the country. And isn't that the way it's supposed to be? If you watched JB Smoove at his CNN town hall last night, you saw a man who's not only ready to be president, but a man who is ready to help this hurting nation start healing. And that's our fucking jam. 

Note two: Sorry not sorry. We're never ever ever gonna stop making fun of those fucking boat morons. Or the ramp. The ramp is with us forever.

Note three: There's an old country song that asks, "How can I miss you if you never leave?" We like that for Jim Comey. Except we changed the lyrics to "Just go away, you fucking asshole." Catchy, right? More: CNN

Note four: Wanna see something cool? More: LA Times

Note five: We were gonna make this its own news section, but instead we're putting it here. Trump has declared war on actual American history in favor of an airbrushed version that involves Jesus and Superman solving mysteries in a van driven by Tim Tebow. Trump and his crew were very angry to find out about actual U.S. history that involves our country doing a lot of heinous shit, so they decided to get out their white-washers and go to work. If you haven't explored the 1619 Project, you really should. And if you think it's propaganda, well, how the fuck did you get in here, Trumper?! More: USA Today, New York Times


Note seven: We can't tell you how shocked we are that Mark "Trump's little beotch" Zuckerberg is full of shit when it comes to open debate and free speech. Guess the little shit doesn't want what's happening to the world because of his company to happen at his company. More: Wall Street Journal

Note eight: This is a good reminder that some NFL team could've been really smart and made a lot of new fans and instead they were all stupid. More: CNN

Note nine: What. The. Fuck. More: Five Thirty Eight

Note 10: Yo, pissed off teenagers! Trump is taking away TikTok. When he does, unleash hell. More: Associated Press

Note 11: This story about migrant women getting unwanted surgeries while in U.S. custody should be getting wall to wall coverage. Seriously. What fucking country is this?! More: Associated Press

Note 12: Here's the latest from our friend Brian Karem… More: Playboy

Note 13: Holy shit we're on a note-writing bender. Let's wrap it up so we can get to the news section, and you beautiful people can go back to being fucking awesome. We just want to take a moment and say thank you. We love writing this newsletter. And we love knowing we're not alone in our outrage and disgust. We appreciate y'all for giving us so much hope for the future. Also, did you know Rudy Giuliani fucked his own cousin? It's true. Have a great weekend. Love y'all!

Note 14: We didn't want to end on 13, so here's the Peanuts gang singing "The Chain" More: YouTube

Note 15: If you live in Virginia, Minnesota, Wyoming or South Dakota, you can do your part to save the country starting today. Yeah, people are voting, y'all!!! Early or absentee voting got started in those states today. Let's do this!!!

Federal Butthole Inspector

Yeah, we're feeling super mature today. Yesterday FBI Director Chris Wray testified in front of Congress, and in telling the truth about threats facing this country, he directly contradicted a lot of the bullshit coming out of the White House these days. He said Russia is still attacking our democracy to hurt Biden and help Trump. He said white supremacists are the most dangerous domestic terror threat. He said antifa isn't an organization but an ideology. So basically a lot of obvious shit. So naturally President Dumbshit McFuckshisdaughter took to twitter to attack Wray and the FBI. Isn't it weird how our president keeps stepping in to defend Russia and white surpemacists? It's almost like he's a racist Russian puppet piece of shit. More: Associated Press

Git 'em

Olivia Troye, who until recently was a top Pence aide on the coronavirus task force, shocked D.C. yesterday by announcing she is voting for Biden because of Trump's reckless disregard for American lives. If you haven't seen her video, holy shit. Of course Pence and the rest of the little dick club couldn't attack this brave woman fast enough. Trump said he didn't know her, and the rest of the scum said she really wasn't that involved. Then Fauci went on tv and said yeah she was pretty important to the task force and a good person. Oh Fauci. Thank you, Olivia, for coming forward and having way more guts than chickenshits like Kelly and Mattis. More: Washington Post

Lock him up

Defective sex doll Jared Kushner flat out told participants at a meeting that there would be no federal response to COVID and governors were on their own. We're not surprised the Tin Boy doesn't have a heart, but man these quotes are fucking brutal. We also found out yesterday there was a plan to ship masks to every American, and the dumb motherfuckers at the White House put a stop to it so they wouldn't cause a panic. You know what does cause a panic? People dying. These evil pieces of shit deserve to die in jail over this. More: NBC News, Vanity Fair

Today's clips

President Donald Trump's son Eric is willing to comply with a subpoena to testify in a New York investigation into the family's business practice, but only after the Nov. 3 election, the Trumps' lawyers said in a court filing Thursday.
More: Associated Press

President Trump's luxury properties have charged the U.S. government more than $1.1 million in private transactions since Trump took office — including for room rentals at his Bedminster, N.J., club this spring while it was closed for the coronavirus pandemic, new documents show.
More: Washington Post

House Majority Whip James Clyburn on Thursday slammed Attorney General William Barr for comparing coronavirus lockdowns in the US to slavery, saying the comments are "the most ridiculous, tone-deaf, God-awful thing I've ever heard."
More: CNN

A federal judge in Washington state on Thursday granted a request from 14 states to temporarily block operational changes within the U.S. Postal Service that have been blamed for a slowdown in mail delivery, saying President Trump and Postmaster General Louis DeJoy are "involved in a politically motivated attack" on the agency that could disrupt the 2020 election.
More: Washington Post

Josh Venable, the former chief of staff to Education Secretary Betsy Devos, has joined another former Trump administration official's group opposing the president.
More: Politico

Withdrawing troops from Afghanistan and partnering with the Taliban has made the United States less safe, says H.R. McMaster, President Trump's former national security adviser. The retired lieutenant general speaks to Scott Pelley in his first interview about his new book on the 53rd Season Premiere of 60 Minutes, Sunday, September 20 at 7:30 p.m. ET and 7 p.m. PT on CBS.
More: CBS News

Lawyers representing the United States at Julian Assange's extradition trial in Britain have accepted the claim that the WikiLeaks founder was offered a presidential pardon by a Congressman on the condition that he would help cover up Russia's involvement in hacking emails from the Democratic National Committee.
More: The Daily Beast

CNN anchor Brianna Keilar on Thursday afternoon tore into rival cable-news network Fox News for misinforming the public and President Donald Trump on the coronavirus pandemic, calling the channel a "vector" for the "virus" of "misinformation."
More: The Daily Beast



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