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9.16.20

9.16.20

It's Wednesday. There are 48 days until the presidential election. The president poops his pants when confronted with actual Americans, a Trump/Putin aide apologizes for his meltdown and Barr takes his right-wing insanity on the road.

Note: It's Hump Day, y'all! Did you see that humping moron's town hall last night? Are you still wondering how the hump a dumb motherhumper who belives "herd mentality" is going to end the virus became president of the United States? Yeah, us too. And it occurred to us last night that one of the big questions voters will be answering this November is Are Americans Smart Enough to Survive? This is not the easy answer it should be. Trump has let 200,000 of us die. He wants to let way more of us die because that is seriously his only plan to combat this thing other than waiting for a vaccine. And it's still a close race! Look, we realize we don't or can't understand the minds or perspectives of all Americans. We don't get pro wrestling, you'll never see us in bike shorts and we're never gonna love disco. But we foolishly assumed that all Americans would rally around the idea that the president shouldn't just let thousands and thousands of Americans die. Silly us. So get out there and work your ass off on behalf of the smart people who think living is pretty cool. Otherwise, we're all totally humped. 

Note two: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Man that felt good after all those hump jokes. We had also been holding it in since the town hall.

Note three: Big Ten football announced it is returning, and Trump is eager to take credit for it. Just yesterday, LSU's coach admitted that most of his team has contracted the virus. He said he hopes they don't get it again and he hopes they don't miss any games. He did not mention their longterm health. It really is something to see how few adults give a fuck about the health and safety of kids. Gonna have a heart problem for life? Die young? Shut the fuck up and get out there and play. COVID ain't this nation's only sickness. Good luck to the young men who are sacrificing their lives for the entertainment of people who want them to keep their mouths shut and move the ball. More: USA Today, ESPN, CBS News

Note four: Y'all, we ponied up a few bucks to get on that fundraiser with Kamala, Hillary, Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler. It was so funny. Like they were hanging out and we were allowed to crash. And watching Amy struggle to unmute herself on zoom was the most we've ever related to a celebrity. Keep an eye for stuff like this. It's a lot of fun and a great way to help the campaign. That particular fundraiser pulled in more than $6 million.

Note five: Trump tweeted out edited video this morning to make it seem like Biden was dancing to Fuck that Police. If you told us Biden was a big NWA fan, that would make us like him more. Also, remember when we had a president who didn't spend all his time editing videos of his opponent like a fucking lunatic?

Note six: We're gonna talk more about the town hall in the news section, but we had to shout out a new TBS hero. Ellesia Blaque stood up and spoke truth to the president last night about the Affordable Care Act. And she refused to be interrupted. She is what courage looks like. And she's a brutal reminder just how much that courage has been missing from Washington folks.

Note seven: Yesterday, 1,422 Americans died from COVID. The president is tweeting about football.

Note eight: There is one proven safe way to play sports and that's in a bubble. And if you've been watching the NBA and WNBA, then you saw some amazing shit last night. 

Note nine: He seriously said herd mentality. 

Note 10: "I hope there's not a race problem." Donald Trump is never gonna understand the problem because he is part of the problem.

Note 11: Ok let's get to the news and whatever fresh hell that dumb motherfucker is going to uncork on us today. We love y'all, and we hope you're managing ok. You're really doing fantastic in some truly shitty circumstances, and you smell terrific. Hang in there. And remember -- you're not crazy; your dumbfuck president is.

Meet the voters

When you get Trump out of Hannity's ass, he's not very good on his feet. Last night, we watched as Trump finally met with some American voters who don't live in a Fox News fever dream, and it was not pretty. Shaming the White House press corps, undecided voters confronted the president on his many lies about COVID, his attacks on our healthcare and racism in American. Trump did not do well. He lied a lot, he struggled, he got testy. HE SAID HERD MENTALITY IS HIS PLAN FOR THE PANDEMIC. Yeah, that means 2 million to 6 million dead Americans is his fucking plan. Fox News called the whole event an "ambush," which made us appreciate it even more. Anyway, the whole thing was a flaming diaper bin, and we hope he does more of these events. More: Washington Post

Crying lunatic

Michael Caputo, the deranged Putin/Trump kiss ass that Trump installed at HHS in April, apologized to staff yesterday for having a complete meltdown on Facebook Live. Yeah, Caputo accused CDC scientists of being part of the resistance and encouraged people to buy guns and ammo for the election. He indicated he wants to take a leave for mental health reasons, but it's unclear if he's still going to work. Best. People. More: Politico

Oh Billy

If we live to be a million, we will never forgive our own party for giving AG Bill Barr a free pass. Barr has thoroughly politicized DOJ, making it Trump's personal law firm and then claimed he will keep the department free from politics. He really might be Trump's most destructive and corrupt aide, and our own people have looked the other way during his reign. Barr has been emboldened to sit down with nutjob right-wing kiss ass columnists and attack "the left" while straight up lying about the electoral process. If Trump stays in office, Barr will be a big reason why. And our people didn't do a fucking thing to even slow him down. We're proud Democrats, but this shit is unforgivable. We're linking to this crap, but the columnist is basically Hannity so it won't happen again. More: Chicago Tribune

Today's clips

A Republican member of the Wisconsin Elections Commission advised a Green Party representative about who to hire as an attorney after its presidential nominee was denied ballot access in the key battleground state, records obtained by The Associated Press show.
More: Associated Press

Transgender activist Sarah McBride won a Democratic state Senate primary in Delaware on Tuesday and is poised to make history as the first transgender person elected to that state's General Assembly and the first transgender state senator in the United States.
More: NBC News

Scientific American has never endorsed a presidential candidate in its 175-year history. This year we are compelled to do so. We do not do this lightly.
More: Scientific American

The image of the US and Donald Trump around the world has plunged from poor to the abysmal over the administration's handling of the coronavirus pandemic, according to a global survey.
More: The Guardian

Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar led an escalating pressure campaign against his own Food and Drug Administration this spring and summer, urging the agency to abandon its responsibility for ensuring the safety and accuracy of a range of coronavirus tests as the pandemic raged.
More: Politico

Teenagers, some of them minors, are being paid to pump out the messages at the direction of Turning Point Action, an affiliate of Turning Point USA, the prominent conservative youth organization based in Phoenix, according to four people with independent knowledge of the effort. Their descriptions were confirmed by detailed notes from relatives of one of the teenagers who recorded conversations with him about the efforts.
More: Washington Post

The situation shows how, faced with two of the biggest political events to shake Russia in years, the Trump administration has fallen back on a familiar pattern: U.S. diplomats are mounting a hawkish response, even as Trump articulates a more Moscow-friendly message. The result is a paucity of presidential leadership — and mixed messages to allies and adversaries.
More: Washington Post

White House trade adviser Peter Navarro is refusing to testify before a House subcommittee about a canceled contract for ventilators that Democrats say would have wasted more than $500 million.
More: NBC News

 













 

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