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Today's Big Stuff


It's Tuesday. There are 84 days until the presidential election. Trump clearly doesn't give a shit about American kids, Tucker Carlson warns about a "demographic shift" and that president fella don't seem so good at the history.

Note: Hey everybody! How's your Tuesday looking? Yikes. That bad, huh? Well, the news we're about to break to you ain't gonna help. It seems… give us a minute… we keep getting choked up... it seems… man this is hard… it seems Vice President Joe Biden, or JB Smoove as we call him, has decided to go another way and TBS will not be on the presidential ticket as the running mate and potential vice president. Yeah, we took it pretty hard too. No, no. Stop. Don't cuss him like that. He's a good man, and he made the right decision for him. And he was very sweet when he explained to us that we're just a newsletter and a newsletter isn't a person and he needs a person as a running mate and even if we were a person we're actually just a little over a year old so we don't meet the Constitutional requirements and also we make way too many jokes about Rudy banging his cousin and we cuss to much and we're possibly too good-looking for the job. And while all that makes sense, this shit still hurts. Thank goodness we're taking Thursday and Friday off this week. We need the time to lick our wounds. But don't fret, friends. It's just gonna make TBS for America 2028 all the more trill. 

Note two: What's worse than getting COVID? Getting it at a fucking Smash Mouth concert. You really want to explain that shit to your doctor or have it explained at your zoom funeral? We didn't think so. Also, it's not great that this washed up idiot sounds so much like the president of the United States. More: NME

Note three: We've said it before and we'll say it again, this dude ain't working for America. More: Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Note four: The president spent part of his morning attacking NBA players again, calling the players "very, very nasty and frankly, very dumb." But sure, MSM reporters, continue to debate whether he's really a racist. We're sure you won't spend the rest of your lives embarrassed about it. 

Note five: If you pray, please pray for the people in the streets of Minks. And then say another prayer that we don't end up just like them in a few short months. More: Washington Post

Note six: Do we think the White House press corps is exhausted, complicit or just stopped caring about anything other than book deals and tv hits a long time ago?

Note seven: When asked yesterday if he had talked to Putin about Russia attacking our democracy, Trump didn't answer and then said that it is Democrats who are meddling in the election. That ludicrous statement was largely ignored by the world's best journalists.

Note eight: Since we don't like crapping all over reporters nonstop, we do want to say thank you to WaPo's Philip Bump for doing this… More: Washington Post

Note nine: We're on veep watch like everyone else, so we're gonna cut the notes a little short today. We hope your week is going wonderfully so far, but we're in a pandemic in Trumpland so we get it if it seems like everything sucks. 'Cause it kinda does. But we love ya', and we know you're doing an incredible job against impossible circumstances. Keep up the great work, and run like hell if you see a Republican walking your way. Have a great day!

Are you not entertained?

Trump spent this morning with racist covid truther sports radio host Clay Travis where, in addition to attacking the NBA, he lied about the health of college football players. "You're not going to see people dying," Trump said as he downplayed the damage COVID can do to a healthy young athlete. But we know that some players, even those who were asymptomatic, have developed heart issues that seem likely to last a lifetime. And it's not just football players. Yesterday, when confronted with the news that 97,000 children tested positive for COVID over a two-week period in July, Trump said the numbers didn't give him pause about forcing schools open. He was then asked if he still thinks children are essentially immune, and he said yes. "They get better very quickly." Keep in mind that infections among children in Florida have skyrocketed 137 percent in the last mont. Makes you feel like he really cares, doesn't he? More: Politico, Mediaite, USA Today, CNN

Racist as all hell

Does anybody else think it's weird that every night on Fox, Tucker Carlson basically has a klan rally and it's treated like it's just par for the course? Last night, the spoiled rotten little weasel said that if America doesn't stop the "demographic shift" that is happening, the nation will be "broke, dirty and dangerous." Tucker must go to all the right parties that the rest of the press corps so routinely ignores this openly racist shit. But open racism is very en vogue for Republicans. They did their five minutes of pretending to give a fuck about George Floyd and the countless others like him. Now Trump is back to attacking athletes for kneeling, and Bill Barr is calling BLM "essentially bolsheviks." This is where we are. More: The Daily Beast, The Hill

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

For decades, that line, spoken by John Belushi in "Animal House," has been repeated as the perfect example of historical ignorance and stupidity. Yesterday, the president of the United States topped it. Standing in the White House briefing room, the very worst America has to offer said that the 1918 flu pandemic probably ended World War II, which of course started 20 years later. Y'all, the president of the United States is a moron who is leading us to death and destruction but he pretends to be against abortion and he hates Black and Brown people, so about 40 percent of the country is cool with him. Just curious but what's the percentage in Canada? Askin' for a friend newsletter. More: USA Today

Today's clips

Jill Biden, a community college professor, says that if her husband, former Vice President Joe Biden, is elected president and she becomes first lady, she plans to continue her work as a teacher.
More: CNN

Even if the most optimistic projections hold true and a Covid-19 vaccine is cleared for U.S. use in November, the vast majority of Americans won't be able to get the shots until spring or summer next year at the earliest.
More: Bloomberg

State and local government officials across the U.S. have been on edge for months about how to keep basic services running while covering rising costs related to the coronavirus outbreak as tax revenue plummeted.
More: Associated Press

Democrats are pouncing on President Donald Trump's new, temporary freeze on payroll taxes as his secret plan to end Social Security and Medicare — traditional priorities for older voters that have not been central themes in this year's presidential campaign.
More: Politico

Voter registrations fell sharply amid the early months of the coronavirus pandemic, but shot up in June amid nationwide protests over the killing of George Floyd, according to a new analysis.
More: NBC News

A planned $765 million federal government loan to support pharmaceutical production by Eastman Kodak is on hold after the agency reviewing the potential deal said it wanted to address "recent allegations of wrongdoing."
More: Politico

The U.S. Department of the Interior – Indian Affairs, which oversees the Bureau of Indian Education, announced last week that it would reopen "brick and mortar schools" under its jurisdiction to the "maximum extent possible" on Sept. 16.
More: NBC News

An internal investigation by Facebook has uncovered thousands of groups and pages, with millions of members and followers, that support the QAnon conspiracy theory, according to internal company documents reviewed by NBC News.
More: NBC News



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