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8.31.20

8.31.20

It's Monday. There are 64 days until the presidential election. Trump has a new strategy to let more Americans die, the president of the United States calls for more violence and Biden takes the fight to Trump.

Note: Hey everybody! Did you have a good weekend? Oh of course you didn't. Because 2020 is something Hell shat out. Seriously, Black Panther?! John Thompson?! Is it possible God is a Klansman? These are sad times to be an American. These are challenging times to be an American. And what we need as much as a new president is a brain wash. Not like what the Trump cult people do or those Heaven's Gate folks in the cool Nikes who cut off their junk for a ride on a comet. No, what we're talking about is akin to the Lung Brush, a Saturday Night Live commercial about a brush for smokers where you just shove it down your mouth and brush out your lungs. But really, doesn't it seem like things would be just a little more manageable if you could take out your brain for a second, wash off all the Trump and then put it back? Anyway, if anyone comes up with a way to do this that won't leave us drooling dumb shits like the president of the United States, put us down for two. RIP Chadwick Boseman. RIP John Thompson. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note two: So we had no idea the new Bill and Ted came out for sale to watch at home. We waited a lot of years for this film. And it was freaking awesome. If you need a laugh and to be reminded of a simpler time, check it out. Also, no, we are not getting paid to plug the film, but we would happily sell out in a second if big Hollywood money was thrown at us. Party on.

Note three: If you are a teacher or a parent or a student (you are not old enough to be reading all this fucking cussing!) trying to figure out how to go back to school today in the complete absence of federal leadership, we wish you the best of luck. Things are such a mess, and you've basically been left on your own to figure it out. We're thinking of you. And please take a second to read about how badly Betsy DeVos sucks. More: Washington Post

Note four: Remember when we assumed that many people were investigating Trump's financial ties to Russia? Yeah, it turns out nobody is, and that for all our bluster, we are very easy to conquer. Hell, our armed rednecks cheered on the attackers. More: New York Times

Note five: This Kanye thing is going great. More: Washington Post

Note six: Hey, how cool is it that New York Times reporters are keeping important information from us so they can put it in their books and make a lot of money? It's almost like they're a part of the same fucked up club that is wrecking the rest of us. 

Note seven: The whole political press corps has decided the race has tightened and that Biden is in trouble now that the country is on fire. Yeah, these people really suck at their jobs. There is next to no polling that shows this to be true, and the country is on fire while Trump is actually president. Watching reporters demand Biden condemn shit that he has already condemned is a pretty good indicator of how fucking awful the political press will be down the homestretch. Ignore the polls. Ignore the pundits. Make a plan to vote. Help others make a plan. More: ABC News

Note eight: "Don't think about what this president has said or the way he delivers the message specifically. Look at what he's actually done." Thank you to Team Joe's Kate Bedingfield for trashing this Lara Trump statement after Chris Wallace was too chickenshit to do so.

Note nine: Melania is racist trash. Also, so are the reporters who helped her disappear her birther past. More: Politico, Vanity Fair

Note 10: Trump is underwater with military support. It's almost like our soldiers don't like painting a wall, guarding oil fields or attacking their fellow Americans. More: Military Times

Note 11: It never ceases to amaze us how many stories about corruption and scandal and just general awfulness can pile up over a weekend in Trumpland. We're gonna do our best to dig out from what we've got here, but forgive us if we miss something. We hope y'all did have something of a weekend, and we hope you have a wonderful week. Thanks for joining us today. Love y'all!

Turd immunity

Arewerite? But seriously folks, the president's new medical advisor, a man with zero experience in epidemiology or infectious diseases but a penchant for making shit up on Fox is steering the White House toward a herd immunity plan. So basically the plan is to do nothing and let more than 2 million Americans die. We wish we were making this up. Trump spokespeople were trying to push back on this this morning, but based on their actions, or lack thereof, this is the plan. Yeah, Biden can literally save America. Even Trump's Secret Service detail is getting decimated by this shit, and he still doesn't care. But hey at least the president isn't retweeting Q anon accounts that question the death toll. Oh fuck. There is no good news here. The FDA chief who apologized for overstating the benefits of convalescent plasma is now saying they might skip the last phase for vaccine approval. There's really no part of government Trump hasn't broken. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post III, CNN, CNN II

Arson

With the body count rising and Trumpers streaming into places like Portland and Kenosha to make things way worse, Trump is going all in on trying to make things worse. He spent the weekend praising his army of goons, and tomorrow he is going to Kenosha, where local officials are begging him to stay away. All weekend long, Trump's twitter feed was a hotbed of support for violence and conspiracy theories. Yet somehow, the political press corps decided the real story is that this is all bad for Joe Biden. Yes, the political press corps are dumber than dog shit and very easily manipulated. Trump's America is on fire, and Chuck Todd wants to know why Biden hasn't fixed it. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post III, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, CNN

Go Joe

Mercifully for us, Team Joe has proven to be pretty good at politics. And while twitter loses its shit, they've done a good job of running their race. Today, Biden will be speaking in Western Pennsylvania where he will ask "does anyone believe there will be less violence in America if Donald Trump is reelected?" The speech was framed by Politico as Biden going on to Trump's turf. Of course the reporter who framed it that way, Marc Caputo, also happily spread information stolen by Russians in 2016. The press is not the enemy of the people. But we should really start considering the possibility that they are the enemy of Democrats. Give 'em hell today, Joe. NO LINK

Today's clips

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's campaign has hired a Kentucky teenager known for his viral encounter with a Native American man at the Lincoln Memorial last year.
More: Associated Press

A judge ordered an Iowa county Thursday to invalidate 50,000 requests for absentee ballots, agreeing with President Donald Trump's campaign that its elections commissioner overstepped his authority by pre-filling them with voters' personal information.
More: NBC News

Senior Republicans are launching a massive super PAC this week to bolster Donald Trump's reelection in the final stretch of the campaign — a move that comes as the president has been pummeled by Joe Biden on TV.
More: Politico

Google has declined to remove ads from a shadowy group echoing President Trump's misleading claim that there is a meaningful difference between voting by mail and absentee voting.
More: Washington Post

These were some of the recent consequences for federal workers who illegally mixed government employment with partisan politics in violation of the Hatch Act, the anti-corruption law Congress passed in 1939.
More: Washington Post

Former first lady Michelle Obama said Friday she is "exhausted and frustrated" in a lengthy statement addressing the ongoing unrest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, after Jacob Blake was shot in the back seven times by police.
More: CNN

The Office of the Director of National Intelligence has informed the House and Senate Select Committees on Intelligence that it'll no longer be briefing in-person on election security issues, according to letters obtained by CNN. Instead, ODNI will primarily provide written updates to the congressional panels, a senior administration official said.
More: CNN

On Feb. 23, 2018, White House counsel Don McGahn sent a two-page memo to Chief of Staff John Kelly arguing that Jared Kushner's security clearance needed to be downgraded, the New York Times' Michael Schmidt reports in his forthcoming book, "Donald Trump v. The United States."
More: Axios

 














 

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