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Today's Big Stuff

7.28.20

It's Tuesday. There are 98 days until the presidential election. Bill Barr finally drags his bullshit up to Capitol Hill, Fauci is once again under attack from the White House and Republicans think we need new jets more than we need help for the unemployed.

Note: Hey everybody! Don't you just love Tuesdays? Yeah, us either. They're like Mondays, but without the hilarious Garfield jokes to get you through. But on this Tuesday, we have a little extra pep in our step. No, it's not because Trump's top henchman is finally testifying. We actually have very low expectations for that. We're celebrating today because in the last 24 hours, TBS gained its 50,000th subscriber. Yay!!!! Now you know we don't like to talk about ourselves and how ridiculously good looking we are, so instead we'll take a moment to talk about the real heroes here -- you. We are so damn grateful to each and every one of you. We started this thing as an internal note for like six people. But as the world got crazier, so did we. Putting this together every morning, reading the emails you send, sharing the anger/sadness/outrage with you has really helped us continue to believe that America is worth all the pain, all the hassle and all the bullshit. We think of this newsletter as a meeting place for the haters and the losers and people who chuckle when we say shit like "I had a Rudy Giuliani joke, but it banged its cousin." But it's also a way to fight back, to kick and scream and declare "WE AREN'T GOING QUIETLY!" And when we finally kick this moron out of office, we're gonna have one helluva party. It just might be on Zoom because ya know the president broke America. Thank you so much to each and every one of you gorgeous patriots. We love you, and we're damn grateful you're with us. 

Note two: Yeah, Politico's Playbook probably has like a gazillion subscribers but they're not as cool or as super hot as our subscribers, and Playbook thinks Matt Gaetz looks like he'd be fun to have a beer with and that puppies are dumb. 

Note three: Gosh, Dumbfuck Don Junior got in trouble on twitter for being awful?! Maybe Tuesdays aren't so bad after all. We're sure he'll be back to winking at Q conspiracies and white supremacists groups sooner than later, just as @Jack intended. 

Note four: Even in the middle of a deadly pandemic, he manages to be the human equivalent of toilet paper stuck to your shoe. WHICH HE HAS ALSO DONE. Anyway, we have some bad news. We are also not throwing out the first pitch at a Yankee game because nobody asked us to. More: New York Times, Washington Post

Note five: Thank you to Parker Molloy for putting this together. We are supremely embarrassed for any journalist included. More: Media Matters

Note six: We are losing so many heroes. And the president of the United States pretends like they're not dying. More: Baltimore Sun

Note seven: Want to see some really scummy hypocrisy from a bunch of lying shitheads? Of course you do. More: CNN

Note eight: Ladies and gentlemen, the Republican Party. More: Forward.com

Note nine: The Trump/Fox rhetoric around what's happening in Portland is getting really fucking scary. And the Morning Joe rhetoric is just getting really fucking dumb. Like maybe we're real dicks, but why would anyone take advice on winning elections from Claire McCaskill? We're with you, Portland. Stand tall. Stand strong. 

Note 10: Mitch McConnell should not have eulogized John Lewis yesterday. It was an insult to the man's legacy and further proof that Moscow Mitch has no soul. 

Note 11: An 11th note!!! What can we say? Y'all got us geeked with the milestone. So here's the Peanuts gang doing "Stayin' Alive." We hope you all have a wonderful day. More: YouTube

Low Barr

Well, it's a miracle. The unelected attorney general of the United States has finally agreed to testify in front of the House Judiciary Committee. Barr released his opening statement last night, and it's a doozy. Basically, Russiagate was a hoax, Portland deserves to be locked up and Bill Barr is super dooper independent from his orange daddy. Yeah, it's all a steaming pile of complete horseshit. But we expect to see our members fall in love with the sound of their own voices, say nothing as Republican members repeatedly hijack this shit and then do absolutely nothing to hold the wayward AG accountable as he moves ahead with his plans to protect Trump. Yeah, it's pretty damn depressing. But we've given Barr a free pass for this long, so we really shouldn't be surprised. Here's hoping we're wrong about everything, and they actually hold his feet to the fire. More: CNN, CNN II

Poor Fauci

We really don't trust a single damn person in this administration, but like most Americans, we have a soft spot for Fauci. So we were saddened that he had to go on tv again this morning and defend himself from attacks from the president and the son the president repeatedly dropped as a child. Yeah, Trump and his klan are back on the hydroxy kick. Shit must be addictive as hell. Crackheads don't talk about crack this much. Anyway, the Trumps have a new doctor they like, and she thinks you can get sick by having sex with witches and demons in their dreams and spent yesterday demanding urine samples from Dr. Fauci. We're not even making this up. More: The Daily Beast, CNN

Predictable Mitch

Mitch McConnell disappeared for a month, then produced the worst rescue package imaginable. Not only does it cut unemployment in half and then phase it out to 70 percent of lost income, but it's loaded with completely unnecessary shit. There's $1.75 billion for a new FBI building in D.C. so another hotel can't move into that space and compete with Trump Hotel -- again, we're not making this up. There's $2 billion for some new F-35s, and $1 billion for surveillance planes. There's a part that says OSHA can't cite an employer for COVID hazards if the employer is "exploring options to comply" (h/t Dave Jamieson). And there is zero money for evictions. And Mitch is calling the Democratic bill a socialist's dream. If our party was good at politics, we would own these fuckers after this absurd misstep. But we'll see. More: Washington Post

Today's clips

About 4,000 federal employees are seeking disability compensation on grounds that they contracted the novel coronavirus at work, while survivors of 60 deceased employees are seeking death benefits for the same reason.
More: Washington Post

China would prefer to see U.S. President Donald Trump win a second term in office as it would allow Beijing to continue to pursue its international ambitions, said an analyst on Monday.
More: CNBC

Former FBI counterintelligence agent Peter Strzok, who played a key role in the Russia investigation but whose pejorative text messages about Donald Trump during the 2016 campaign made him a target of the president's wrath, is releasing a book on his concerns the president could be compromised.
More: Associated Press

Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden warned Monday about the potential politicization of coronavirus vaccines by the Trump administration as development work and clinical trials speed up.
More: Bloomberg

Shortages of health care workers are worsening in Houston, Miami, Baton Rouge and other cities battling sustained covid-19 outbreaks, exhausting staffers and straining hospitals' ability to cope with spiking cases.
More: Washington Post

Protesters who say they were tear-gassed, shot at, pepper-sprayed and assaulted outside a federal courthouse while peacefully demonstrating and rendering aid to others sued the Trump administration Monday over its use of force during nightly demonstrations in downtown Portland.
More: Washington Post

Former first lady Michelle Obama is making a push to register voters 100 days out from Election Day, saying in a new video message out Sunday that the "election could not be more important for the future of our country."
More: CNN

An Army National Guard officer who witnessed protesters forcibly removed from Lafayette Square last month is contradicting claims by the attorney general and the Trump administration that they did not speed up the clearing to make way for the president's photo opportunity minutes later.
More: Washington Post

Two of President Donald Trump's appointees to a federal appeals court have refused calls to recuse from a case that advocates say would affect the right of approximately 750,000 Florida residents with previous felony convictions to vote.
More: Buzzfeed News

President Donald Trump's lawyers on Monday doubled down on efforts to block Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. from obtaining his tax records and other financial documents from the president's accountants with a grand jury subpoena. 
More: CNBC

Teachers across the country have begun organizing protests to voice concerns about the Trump administration's push for schools to reopen in the fall despite the coronavirus pandemic and to pressure school districts to delay the start of face-to-face instruction.
More: Buzzfeed News

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 









 

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