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Today's Big Stuff


It's Monday. There are 99(!!!) days until the presidential election. Republican senators accidentally tell us their true feelings about slavery and abortion, it seems that only Washington reporters bought Trump's new tone and America's standing in the world can't get much lower.

Note: Hey there! How was your weekend? Yeah, we were pretty gutted by the Regis news too. Sigh. Poor Reg. And Olivia de Havlland. Yeah, it's Trumpland so you knew we weren't showing up today with hearts and candy and sunshine. Nope, all we've got to offer is some more incompetence and cruelty courtesy of the orange accident and the scumbags who prop him up. If you are looking for good news, here it is -- 99. That's right. In 99 days, we can boot this motherfucker out of office, we can send a message to the world and to ourselves that we are better than this goddamn nightmare and we can start to take our country back and make it an America that we can be proud of again. But perhaps more important than all of that is the fact that Trump's vapid Eurotrash participation trophy wife has decided she's going to re-do the Rose Garden. Yeah, she must be done with the fucking tennis pavilion. But the point is, if we don't boot these criminal dirtbags soon, there's gonna be a fucking stripper pole in the Lincoln Bedroom and the East Room is going to be for hottubbing and for people who think hottubbing is a verb. Think gold medallions framed by chest hair. Yeah, it's pretty gross. So let's save the Rose Garden. Let's save the White House. Let's save America. 99 days, y'all. Let's fucking do this! More: New York Times

Note two: Want to see a master class in lede writing? Check out this story from the Montgomery Advertiser that does a good job of putting words to those breathtaking pictures of Rep. John Lewis crossing the Edmund Pettis bridge one more time. The congressman will lie in state this week, and Vice President Biden is expected to pay his respects today. More: Montgomery Advertiser, New York Times

Note three: Bad news out of Major League Baseball. Things don't look great for the season now that the Marlins have had an outbreak. The only real good news for the sport is that 48 hours after announcing he would be throwing out the first pitch at Yankee stadium on Aug. 15, Trump reversed course and said he's too busy dealing with the pandemic. Since we know he ain't too busy working on the pandemic -- motherfucker played golf this weekend with salesman of cheap blue jeans Brett Favre -- we can't stop laughing at the rather obvious notion that he got scared of humiliating himself and pulled out. Oh well, it's good for baseball and good for America. 

Note four: More ugly scenes out of Portland this weekend as real Americans took a stand against Trump's federal stormtroopers and Trump continued to demean and attack the moms who have shown up to show what's up. We really have to hand it to Portland. Chad Pup and his DHS dipshits have been in Portland trying to start a war for days now, and these real patriots just keep showing up. Someone needs to tell DHS that we're Americans, and we don't get punked by pretend soldiers. We love you, Portland, and we're damn grateful that you're standing up for all of us.

Note five: Wait. Chris Dodd is in charge of Biden's veep search? Well shit.

Note six: Just when we didn't think we could be any bigger fans of Lebron James… More: Politico

Note seven: This is an important one. Take a look at how badly Ron DeSantis screwed up the pandemic response in Florida, and look at Trump still showering him with praise like the dumb shit that he is. More: Washington Post

Note eight: Want a good laugh at a fucking bitch's expense? Washington Post

Note nine: Well, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just 99 days. But what happens at the end of that 99 days is up to us. We know you're engaged, we know you're working hard and we know you want this piece of shit flushed out of office as badly as we do. So really give it everything you've got down the homestretch. This country is a goddamn mess, but it's our mess and it's worth fighting for. So let's kick some ass and make sure that light at the end of the tunnel isn't a gameshow host in a locomotive going the wrong way. We love y'all, and there's nobody we'd rather be in this battle with than you good people. 

Some GOP truth

Between Josh Hawley and Tom Cotton, we started getting some truth from Republican senators this weekend. First, Hawley goes on the record to make clear that he is a huge believer in abortion litmus tests for SCOTUS candidates. And we actually applaud this moron. Hell yes, Hawley. The monster from Missouri says he will not consider a nominee to the high court unless that person is 100 percent on-the-record committed to overturning Roe. Thank you, Senator. We agree. We want your nominees to tell the women of this country just how little your guys (and they'll be guys) think of American women and their freedoms. And then there's Cotton, the pride of Harvard, who is pushing legislation to stop the 1619 Project from being taught in schools and then this weekend said that slavery was a "necessary evil." This is the future of the Republican Party, folks. We're just glad they're telling us who they really are now. Now we just need the super objective fair and balanced mainstream media in this country to start listening when these racist scumbags come clean. Keep firing, assholes! More: Washington Post, Washington Post IIArkansas Online

New tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despite the breathless new tone bullshit that jaded and cynical reporters ate up like biscuits and gravy swirled in cotton candy, the American people aren't buying it. It's almost like they know they've been abandoned to die and don't care to obscure that fact so they can get invited to a party at Kellyanne's pad on the Jersey shore. While we are begging everyone we know to ignore the polling, we damn sure think it's newsworthy that the latest AP poll this morning has Trump's pandemic handling approval at 32 percent. Only two in 10 Americans believe this country is headed in the right direction and one of them works at the New York Times and the other one is Don Jr. The press is desperate for an even election battle so they seem fair and balanced. When they don't get one, they'll do what they can to create it. These last 99 days are gonna be infuriating. Note that the same poll shows crazy enthusiasm for Trump -- emphasis on the crazy. That's why we have to ignore the polls. We're up against a shitload of coked up insanity and probably a half a dozen foreign countries. More: PBS

This one hurts

Check out Dan Balz's WaPo story about how America's standing in the world was just a hair below dog shit before the pandemic hit. Yeah, we have become a joke. And it's not like we're on the path to fixing any of this shit. Hell, Trump's national security adviser caught the covid. WaPo has another story today that would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic. It's about why Trump won't just actually try to combat the pandemic to save his presidency. If things get any stupider around here, it's going to start raining clown shoes and crap sandwiches. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II, CNN

Today's clips

Buoyed by strong fundraising and growing advantages in state and national polls, Joe Biden's campaign is accelerating its staffing and television spending as the campaign turns toward the 100-day mark before Election Day, according to a new internal campaign memo obtained by NBC News.
More: NBC News

The Trump administration's election security czar issued a rare statement describing foreign efforts to interfere in the 2020 election Friday. Democrats labeled it misleading, saying it failed to convey the scope of Russia's interference and how its messaging matches that of President Donald Trump.
More: NBC News

Joe Biden accused Elizabeth Warren last year of holding an "angry, unyielding viewpoint." She embraced that label and slammed Biden as "naive" for thinking he could work with Republicans as president. She warned Democrats against picking a "Washington insider" and pointedly refused to endorse Biden until weeks after exiting the race.
More: Associated Press

Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, North Carolina and Georgia are the battlefronts for voting rights advocates and election lawyers in a year one national expert says could make Bush v. Gore look like "a walk in the park."
More: Axios

Nearly five months later, though, it's become apparent that the Trump administration's abject negligence means we're about to repeat it anyway. The implicit bargain of the spring was that if everyone complied with the shutdowns, the isolation, the social distancing, the working-while-parenting disasters and the rest, the government would use that time to build enough testing, tracing and public health infrastructure so that students could safely go back to school in person in the fall.
More: Washington Post

Senior House Republicans are pleading with the deep-pocketed Republican National Committee and the Trump campaign to provide financial help as Democrats vastly outraise the GOP, but top campaign officials are so far declining to commit.
More: Washington Post

On Sunday night, John Oliver kicked off the latest edition of his acclaimed late-night show, Last Week Tonight, by addressing the ongoing brutalizing of Black Lives Matter protesters by President Trump's federal agents in Portland, Oregon.
More: The Daily Beast



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