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Today's Big Stuff


It's Wednesday. There are 104 days until the presidential election. Trump sends warm wishes to Epstein's pimp but he did it in a new tone so it's cool, the Republican Senate is the new wikileaks and a thousand Americans died yesterday but new tone.

Note: Hey there! Isn't it a lovely day. In our minds anyway. Outside it's raining hellfire and hot takes to create a monsoon of cruel stupidity that threatens to wash away everything we hold dear. But we'll get to the Washington press corps in the news section. Today we wanted to talk about Portland and the facism that is happening there and likely coming to a city near you. While this is another prime example of a massive failure by the Washington press corps, it is another huge success for America. We see you looking at us like we're crazier than some shithouse rats, but think about it for a second. Remember how terrifying the scenes outside of St. John's were? Well, the scenes out of Portland are equally upsetting. And we wish to hell we had a decent person as president and none of this shit ever happened. But damn watch how Americans respond. Look at the moms. Look at the dads. Look at the numbers grow. This is some truly unsettling shit going down, but we continue to be moved and inspired by the way this nation is responding to a two-bit dumb shit who wants to fuck his own daughter and thinks he can break us. Well we don't know about the first one, Donnie, but you couldn't be more wrong about the second. We love you, Portland. Stay strong. More: Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post III, Buzzfeed News, Axios, New York Times

Note two: Is there anything more fun that watching Republicans attack each other? We heard Rand Paul this morning say that Lynn Cheney is "bad for the country." First we laughed. Then we agreed. Then we laughed some more. Then we wondered what Rand's neighbor is up to these days. More: Washington Post

Note three: It was really something to watch Steny Hoyer stand in the House this morning and accept Ted Yoho's non-apology. Are we just so used to getting kicked in the teeth that we've started to enjoy it?

Note four: Now wait just a damn minute. Is Politico trying to tell us that Matt Gaetz is an unethical scumbag? Are they sure? This man took a Holocaust denier as his guest to the State of the Union, so whatever they have on him better be pretty convincing or we will continue to believe he is a good guy and a great American and not at all a drunken braindead tool. More: Politico

Note five: Ugh. Would you look at what Hunter Biden is getting away with now? More: Politico

Note six: So Susan Collins is trying to fight off charges that she's an unprincipled, cowardly hack and she thinks the best way to do that is to refuse to say if she's voting for Trump? What can we say? This some real American leadership. More: CNN

Note seven: It is ALWAYS a Republican. More: NPR

Note eight: Want to really be pissed off today? Like a real Hump Day Hulk? Read this infuriating shit and then remember that Paul Manafort is not in jail. More: CNN

Note nine: We've almost made it through another week! Hang in there! You're doing a great job, people are lucky to know you. We know we sure are. Love!

"I wish her well."

It's official. The Washington press corps is gaslighting us as much if not more than the scumbag in the White House. So yesterday, after managing to read off a script without throwing around any racial slurs or his own feces, Trump talked about his old friend, Ghislane Maxwell, the sick fucking monster who helped Epstein run his child trafficking ring for years. And since he is also a sick fucking monster, Trump wished her well. Twice. Was that the lede out of the news conference? Was that what drove the conversation? Of course not. Instead we got a bunch of bullshit from an out of touch, fearful press corps about Trump's new tone. HE COULDN'T EVEN KEEP THE TONE GOING FOR THE LENGTH OF THE PRESS CONFERENCE. We've been under the impression for the last few years that Trump voters were the biggest suckers in America. We were way off. The biggest suckers in Trumpland are Washington reporters who would still sign up for Trump University if they weren't busy buying the Brooklyn Bridge. And today we saw that Politico actually did a poll on cancel culture. Why? Because they're just that out of touch with what's happening in this country. We've said it before we'll say it again: We are on our own. 

Ron Dickhead

We know his last name is Johnson, but this seemed more appropriate. Johnson is of course leading the Kremlin's efforts against Biden from the Senate Homeland Security Committee. Ya know, the one that should be investigating a rogue government agency that is snatching citizens off the streets. Fortunately, we're seeing Team Biden go on offense here. Johnson's people are literally taking oppo from pro-Kremlin forces in Ukraine and then defending it by saying it's not oppo. But when asked if they are taking materials from these scumbags, they had no comment. This is yet another one of those moments when we're really sad that Chuck Schumer is minority leader. We need a fighter, and all we've got is a dealmaker. Kamala Harris is one of the few safe senators on that committee. We'd sure like to see her go to war with these anti-American forces using the Senate as the new wikileaks. The funniest/saddest part is Republican senators actually went on record to say that Biden has nothing to worry about because Russians have been attacking our democracy for years. More: NBC News, Politico

New tone!

So yesterday as Trump was praising himself and reporters were praising his new tone, more than 1,000 Americans died of COVID. The president stood there and told Americans that deaths were going down and the virus will just disappear. So for all those "new tone" assholes, we're just gonna leave this story right here. More: CNN

Today's clips

Twitter announced Tuesday that it has begun taking sweeping actions to limit the reach of QAnon content, banning many of the conspiracy theory's followers because of problems with harassment and misinformation.
More: NBC News

President Donald Trump signed a memorandum on Tuesday that would prevent migrants who are in the United States illegally from being counted when U.S. congressional voting districts are next redrawn, triggering swift rebukes from Democrats and threats of litigation.
More: Reuters

A major intraparty rift widened between the White House and Senate Republicans on Tuesday as they stumbled to formulate a unified coronavirus budget plan, lacking agreement on policy goals, spending parameters and even deadlines.
More: Washington Post

President Trump's campaign, the Republican Party and two affiliated committees have spent more than $983 million since 2017, a record-breaking sum toward a reelection effort at this point in the presidential campaign, new filings show.
More: Washington Post

President Trump formally threatened to veto a $740 billion military spending bill Tuesday hours before the House passed the legislation by a veto-proof majority, heralding a potential showdown between the White House and Congress over a bipartisan effort to rename several Army posts that commemorate Confederate generals.
More: Washington Post

The billionaire NFL owner who serves as President Donald Trump's ambassador to the United Kingdom was investigated by the State Department watchdog after allegations that he made racist and sexist comments to staff and sought to use his government position to benefit the President's personal business in the UK, multiple sources told CNN.
More: CNN




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