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Today's Big Stuff


It's Tuesday. There are 105 days until the presidential election. Portland stands tall as Trump vows to take his war on America to other cities, Biden puts the Kremlin on notice and dipshit returns to our televisions.

Note: So who's gonna be first? Our money is on CNN. You just know some dumbass pundit is going to look right past 141,000 dead Americans to declare Trump suddenly presidential this afternoon. What is it about being a Washington reporter these days that leaves people with the same spineless posture as Ted Cruz? Did y'all see Newsweek compare Kushner to RFK?! Of course you didn't. You're a person, and we're pretty sure there aren't any people reading Newsweek anymore. Maybe this is why. Like, these dudes have a 39 percent approval rating, a growing death toll and a cult hero who hides in a bunker because he's afraid of graffiti and rain. But sure, be terrified of him to the point that you wreck your own reputation as a journalist. Why do we feel like they're going to rediscover their backbones and confrontational style the second there's a Democrat in office? Oh yeah because they suck.

Note two: At this point, we should probably talk about our love of the press and how fucking gross it was for Tucker Carlson to lie about the NYT last night and endanger some of their reporters. But the NYT wanted this relationship. They helped legitimize Tucker. They flirted with the alt-right as novelty feature material for years. Tucker is disgusting trash who was clearly trying to deflect from the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against him and Client #3 yesterday. But the NYT shouldn't be surprised to discover it has racist fleas after lying down with racist dogs. More: Washington Post

Note three: Speaking of how Fox News treats women, did y'all read about the latest charges? Why do mainstream reporters still defend this shit? More: The Daily Beast

Note four: Ok, we came out hot today. How are you? You look fantastic. What's your secret? Really? We do that too. It's why we're the best looking newsletter on the block. Well that and we think kindness is sexy. We won't discuss Politico Playbook's appearance because that would be tacky. But we will say that stealing lunches from children as we've heard a certain political newsletter likes to do makes you ugly on the inside. 

Note five: And now for some good news. An amazing American, state Sen. Nikema Williams, was selected by Georgia Democrats to replace John Lewis on the ballot. While nobody can ever replace Rep. Lewis, Nikema is pretty darn wonderful. Congrats to her and to Georgia! More: CNN

Note six: Y'all, we're beginning to think the Republican Party has a problem with women. More: The Hill

Note seven: That's great news about Dr. Fauci throwing out the first pitch. They were gonna invite Trump but he didn't have any balls. Thank you, thank you. We'll be here all week. Don't forget to try the veal.

Note eight: Yesterday, the NBA reported that they have had zero positive tests for COVID inside their Disney bubble. Maybe instead of attacking the league to score cheap political points, Republican senators should be asking them for advice. 

Note nine: Ok, that's all the good news we have. Everything is scary and shitty, and if you're making it through each day, then you're a goddamn hero. Hang in there. We love y'all!

Love for Portland

Trump sent in secret police to snatch them off the streets and scare them into submission. But Portland is an American city. So they did what Americans do when threatened by tyrants: They showed up again and in bigger numbers. While the moron-in-chief seems to think teargassing suburban moms is a great way to win re-election, we continue to feel hopeful because we're watching so many people take a stand. Tragically, this is just the beginning. Trump is openly boasting about repeating this bullshit in other major American cities as he uses government sanctioned violence against American citizens as a way to show he's in charge and tough on crime. Keep standing up, America. He will not break us. More: Reuters, Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post III

Get tough, Joe

It's what we wanted and needed to see from our Democratic nominee. Joe Biden yesterday threw down the gauntlet over Russian attacks on our democracy, warning them of the consequences if they keep doing this shit. It was remarkable because it was far more than we've ever heard from our current president, who was of course elected with the help of Russian scum. But there's a reason Biden gave that speech now. And there's a reason Democrats are demanding a defensive briefing from the FBI. U.S. Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Moscow) is going to use his Senate committee and hearings into Hunter Biden as a way to launder Russian bullshit against the Bidens. They just took it from Wikileaks and put it in the United States Senate. If it feels like Democrats and the media are under-reacting, well, you're not wrong. More: Axios, CNN, Politico, Politico II

What else is on?

Well this afternoon, in a move that's sure to fix everything and bring 141,000 Americans back from the dead, the gameshow host is firing up his daily briefings again. He will be crazy and he will lie to the American people about a deadly pandemic, but news organizations will not care and they will pump that shit into every living room without thinking twice about it. If the White House press corps does its job and asks the questions that need to be asked, this will be Trump's only briefing. Don't bother with suspense. They're not going to suddenly get tough. But they should As Dean Obeidallah points out, the last time Trump did one of his briefings and told us all to drink bleach, there were about 50,000 Americans dead from COVID. But the pundits are going to tell us how this is a good thing and that Trump is being presidential. It really shouldn't be this predictable. More: Associated Press

Today's clips

Joe Biden is calling President Donald Trump's handling of the coronavirus pandemic "inept" in a new statement that lays out his priorities for the next relief package in Congress.
More: Associated Press

Workers from the service industry, fast-food chains and the gig economy rallied with organized labor Monday to protest systemic racism and economic inequality, staging demonstrations across the U.S. and around the world seeking better treatment of Black Americans in the workplace.
More: Associated Press

A series of key coronavirus relief measures is set to expire soon even as much of the U.S. is still suffering deeply because of the pandemic.
More: NBC News

The largest teachers union in Florida sued Gov. Ron DeSantis on Monday over his administration's push to fully reopen all public schools next month — even as the number of coronavirus cases in the state is spiking.
More: NBC News

As the coronavirus ravaged America this spring, 15 business leaders gave President Donald Trump and the Republican Party $1.4 million in big checks while their businesses collected at least $41 million in federal assistance.
More: Huff Post

In the four months since the pandemic began, nearly 50 million workers have filed unemployment claims nationwide, a flood that's overwhelmed some states, freezing antiquated computer systems and jamming websites and phone lines for days. State benefit agencies in some parts of the country have evoked memories of Great Depression bread lines.
More: Washington Post

A Detroit police officer, who the Wayne County prosecutor said fired rubber bullets at three journalists during a police brutality protest in downtown Detroit in May, was charged Monday with multiple counts of felony assault.
More: Detroit Free Press

President Donald Trump has cast himself as tough on China and promised that his trade negotiations with Beijing would economically benefit everyday Americans, even as Trump-owned properties have continued to contribute to the trade deficit with the country he rails about.
More: CNN

The sheriff of Jacksonville, Fla., said he can't provide security for the Republican National Convention because of a lack of clear plans, adequate funding and enough law enforcement officers.
More: Politico

The White House is pushing the Department of Defense to hire a former National Security Council staffer who has repeatedly pushed fringe conspiracy theories on Twitter and in media appearances.
More: CNN




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