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Today's Big Stuff

7.17.20

Happy Friday. There are 109 days until the presidential election. Terror as Trump declares war on Portland, SCOTUS legitimizes a poll tax and we become more convinced by the day that Republicans are working for the virus.

Note: Hello there, beautiful patriots. How's your world this morning? Dark and scary? Yeah, ours too. Now y'all know us. Normally we're such sunny fucking optimists that we've got rainbows and cheery animated rodents coming out of our asses. But Trumpism is taking an even darker turn as his poll numbers crater and his inability to do the job come into even fuller view. There's some pretty scary shit going down. Have you heard his racist ass rants about saving the suburbs? Dude is straight up running on segregation! We've still got such a long time to go until the election that a person could be forgiven for wondering how much worse it could get. Well, we're here to tell you it's gonna get plenty worse. So wear a mask, travel in pairs, wear your rain shoes, have the number to a good lawyer handy if you're going protests, film everything you can, don't accept rides or candy from strangers unless they seem really cool, don't mess with the bar on the roller coaster, don't eat 30 minutes before you go swimming and whatever you do, DO NOT listen to a Republican office holder about what is or isn't safe. How messed up is that? This messed up newsletter that cusses a lot and makes endlessly immature jokes about Rudy doing his own cousin is legitimately a better source of safe and health information than the president of the United States. You're welcome, America.

Note two: Pretty bleak opening note. Sorry about that. Hope we didn't put you in too bad of a mood. Peanuts gang? More: YouTube

Note three: That story about the Washington Redskins was upsetting, horrifying and not at all surprising. And it's definitely not unique to women who work in sports. Sucks we can't vote out Dan Snyder. What an ass. Thank you to the courageous women who spoke out.

Note four: There are very few lines we won't cross here. We are twisted, and we are furious about what's happening in this country. But one line we avoid is talking about Trump's youngest son, whatever his name is. Now the two older sons, Tweedle Shithead And Tweedle Assface, are fair game. And this isn't really even about the little one. But this morning, when asked if the Trumps would be sending their kid back to school the way the president wants to force everybody's kids back to school, known eater of rodent carcasses Kellyanne Conway said "it's a personal choice." Um, excuse us? So yeah, keep that shit in mind the next time dumbass is stamping his foot and demanding the schools be packed. More: Mediaite

Note five: Congrats to Jamaal Bowman on finally being declared the winner in his primary. The future of the Democratic Party is bright. Also, New York, get your shit together and figure out how to count votes.

Note six: Remember at the beginning of the week when Ivanka came out with that stupid Find Something New thing? Well, did you do it? Yeah, us too. Like, we just switched shampoos, but it felt like we were helping America. Thanks, Princess Moron!

Note seven: We're trying to ignore the polls, but man this morning the Cook Report announced changes to 20 ratings in House races. Every single one of them moved towards Democrats. That's a new one, folks. Keep doing what you're doing, and then do it some more. We've got these fuckers on the run!

Note eight: RIP Rev. C.T. Vivian, another brave soldier in the fight for civil rights. We are losing too many of these people too fast, and the world is becoming a sadder place because of it. 

Note nine: Yesterday, NPR said that Steve Inskeep's weak ass interview with Bill Barr failed to give listeners the truth about voting by mail. And USAToday said that Peter Navarro's op-ed attacking Fauci shouldn't have run because of its factual errors. Well good job, guys. This shit has only been going on for years now. Want to get with the program and stop getting used? We'd sure appreciate it. More: NPR, Washington Post

Note 10: So we're sorry about being total bummers this morning. Hope you didn't show up in a great mood and then finish reading this and start walking with your head down and the sad Charlie Brown music playing. You're doing fantastic against impossible odds. Give yourself a break. Love yourself. 'Cause we sure love ya'. Have an awesome weekend!

Terror in Portland

Well, this is some truly terrifying shit. The traumatizing scenes from D.C. are being replicated in Portland where unidentified federal agents in unmarked vehicles are snatching protesters off the streets and one protester was shot in the head. DHS Secretary Chad Wolf has declared himself a military leader and boasting that he and his troops are going in because Portland is "under siege." Gov. Kate Brown, both of the state's U.S. senators and local officials are all rejecting the help, which amounts to a tyrannical fascist response to some fucking grafitti. This comes as Trump ramps up his bullshit law and order rhetoric, threatening American cities and promising to protect the suburbs. Not to be left out, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo gave a speech yesterday in which he declared protesters and the mainstream media are trying to end the American way of life. He specifically singled out the 1619 Project as evidence of this. We are in a very scary new place, and people need to recognize it for what it is. We're sending love, Portland. Be brave. Be safe. More: OPB, Vice, Washington Post, Washington Post II

Fuck John Roberts

Remember just last week when white Washington reporters were telling us what a moderating force the institutionalist Chief Justice John Roberts is? Well maybe it looks that way when it's not your right to vote he's made it his mission in life to mess with. Yesterday the Roberts court said that yes, Florida can give its residents the middle finger and impose a poll tax -- requiring ex-felons to pay all fees before they can vote. Roberts really hasn't been consistent on jack shit except making it harder for minorities to vote. That's his legacy. And reporters who can't or won't see that are part of the problem. More: Washington Post

The Party of COVID

In Georgia, the Republican governor is suing mayors to stop them from mandating masks. In Kentucky, the Republican attorney general is suing the Democratic governor for requiring masks. In Florida, DeSantis is just days away from requiring that all babies have coronavirus. We're making up the last one, but the numbers of kids infected in Florida is staggering. And these motherfuckers want to force our kids into schools? The really crazy thing is that it's shitty politics to follow Trump's lead on this. His numbers are bottoming out. A new WaPo poll out today has his COVID approve/disapprove at 38/60. It is just an unmitigated disaster from top to bottom. And they know it. Pence's task force has a document THEY DIDN'T PUBLISH that says 18 states should be rolling back their reopening. This is all really happening in broad daylight. And goddamn Mika had the nerve to say this morning that nobody knew it would get this bad. Bullshit. A lot of us warned them. They ignored us or told us we were being hysterical. More: More: Associated Press, Associated Press IICNN, CNN IIWashington Post, Bloomberg

Today's clips

President Donald Trump says Joe Biden wants to "abolish the suburbs." But what he appears to mean is that Biden wants to stop suburban segregation.
More: NBC News

President Donald Trump's niece said she has heard her uncle use racial and anti-Semitic slurs.
More: NBC News

While the social media giant says it opposes voter suppression, the data shows a stark picture: Nearly half of all top-performing posts that mentioned voting by mail were false or misleading.
More: Pro Publica

Huntsville police say it would be unsafe to release information about the tear gas and other crowd control gear that was used on protesters during downtown demonstrations last month.
More: AL.com

A top Trump campaign adviser recently appeared on the Russian-government funded TV network RT, which U.S. intelligence agencies have said plays a role in the Kremlin's plans to undermine American democracy.
More: The Daily Beast

Former Rep. Trey Gowdy was working with President Donald Trump's personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani last summer when Giuliani secured a meeting at the Justice Department with Attorney General William Barr and senior Department of Justice officials on behalf of a Venezuelan client, according to newly disclosed documents.
More: CNN

While the number of rejected ballots in Florida and Nevada represents a fraction of those cast in their primaries, the unprecedented shift toward absentee voting during the coronavirus pandemic could make such margins potentially significant in the fall. In 2016, roughly 80,000 votes in Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin helped Donald Trump win the White House.
More: Washington Post

Millions of Americans who have missed rent payments due to the coronavirus pandemic could be at risk of being evicted in the coming months unless government measures to protect them are extended, economists and housing experts say.
More: Wall Street Journal

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