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Today's Big Stuff

7.16.20

It's Thursday. There are 110 days until the presidential election. Trump finally fires his campaign manager so everything should be cool now, COVID data starts disappearing from the CDC website and Trump's henchman begins dismantling the post office. 

Note: Hey everybody! Well, it's not a great day. In case you might have forgotten, today is Tax Day. What's that? It was?! Oh. Shit. Nah, we're just kidding. We filed yesterday like we were supposed to. We even skipped and sang a delightful tune on the say to the post office. Didn't you? We were just so excited to give our money to pay for Ivanka to go horseback riding in the middle of a pandemic. Or to pay for Trump to play golf in the middle of a pandemic. Or for Don Jr. to fuck goats in the middle of a pandemic. We're Democrats. We're happy to pay taxes to help our fellow Americans, build infrastructure and provide for our general defense. But we're pretty pissed off about paying for Kellyanne's daily lunches of live rodents or Melania's weekly truckload of xanax. It really does feel like they're just stealing from us.  

Note two: Y'all wanna buy some bitcoin? We know a place to get some cheap. 

Note three: We can't stop laughing at Susan Collins demanding 16 debates. "Debate me eleventy times or you're a coward!" Nice try, Susan. Start looking at retirement properties. It will be a nice change of environment from Mitch's ass. 

Note four: Today marks two years since Trump stood on a stage in Helsinki and sold out his country to Putin. It also marks two years of the Kremlin Annex. A huge thank you to every single one of you who has helped us keep it going this whole time. Time really flies when you're trying to save your country from a Russian puppet. 

Note five: Who the fuck is Bari Weiss? You know what, unless it's someone with a cure for COVID, we really don't give a shit. Really amazing how much free time some "journalists" have to focus on themselves these days. 

Note six: We are not going to talk about the polls that came out yesterday. They are way too good, and y'all know good news makes us break out in hives. Ignore them all. Ain't now way we're winning Pennsylvania by that margin. We gotta run through the tape at the finish line. Blinders on, people.

Note seven: We also don't want to talk about how our Senate candidates are blowing away the opposition in fundraising. We'll just say thank you for making that happen and move on.

Note eight: Upset about Kanye? Don't worry. If you're an old 80s rocker like one of the people who writes this thing, we've got some good news for you. Sebastian Bach, of Skid Row, has come out as a vocal anti-Trumper. Rock on, Sebastian. Rock on.

Note nine: This is really important, and we'd like to see more news organizations connecting the dots like this. More: Washington Post

Note 10: A 10th note! Good God we are some overachievers. You've almost made it. Friday and the weekend are just around the corner. We hope you have a safe and wonderful day.

Bye Brad!

According to various reports, Trump campaign manager Brad Parscale has been out as the head man for a few weeks now, but it was made official yesterday by a delusional orange man who thinks his poll numbers are going up fast. It's pretty hilarious shit. Brad sucks, but it's not like he's the reason America hates Trump. Anyway, we're feeling pretty bloated this morning after having a second helping of Brad's tears (reports are that he had a very emotional goodbye at the campaign hq). So did Trump replace him with an upstanding political professional? Of course not. He replaced him with one of the central scumbags from Chris Christie's Bridgegate scandal. What did you expect? A boy scout. We're only a little surprised Trump didn't request a drifter who likes to strangle pets. More: CNN, Washington Post

Let's all freak out

As promised, COVID data has already started disappearing from the CDC's website dashboard as Team Trump moves in broad daylight to cover up what is happening to this country. If you're waiting for the so-called watchdogs of the press corps to hold someone's feet to the fire over this, you're gonna be waiting a long time. This is really, really bad y'all. The good news is that Trumpland seems to know how badly they fucked up by trying to trash Fauci, so yesterday they started doing superficial shit to make it look like they're listening to him. The president even spoke to him by phone! Don't you feel lucky? Meanwhile, another 1.3 million Americans filed for unemployment, Trump's buddy in Georgia ruled that no cities or towns can require masks and 62 percent of Americans think Trump is hurting the response. Oh and Trump's Russian buddies are trying to hack our research. Be sure to read Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan's take on Trump's pandemic efforts. It's quite a read. More: CNBC, Axios, Associated Press, Washington Post, Washington Post II, Washington Post IIIThe Atlantic, CNN, AJC

Fragile mail ego

Yet another of Trump's scumbag henchman has set upon his task of dismantling a key piece of American government infrastructure, and this time it will impact whether we can vote this asshole out of office. Trump's major donor was put in charge of the mail, and he's decided he doesn't give a shit when the mail shows up. Seriously. He told staff and employees that mail would be left sitting in bins on the floor and they'd just have to get used to it. We are not even making this up. Of course Trump's motivation is clear. He's trying to fuck up how we vote. Yesterday in Georgia, while lying again about vote by mail, Trump questioned whether ballots were illegally mailed in 2016 and then said this: "I don't want to talk about that one because I won. So I don't want anyone going back and looking, alright?" And then he told his crooked governor buddy, "Watch please, those mail-in ballots. You're gonna watch that for me." More: Associated Press

Today's clips

The National Security Council sent a list of allegations about Army Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman to the Pentagon after he testified before the House in impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump, according to a person who has seen the document and two others who were briefed on it. More: NBC News

Lawyers for President Donald Trump said Wednesday they will raise additional challenges to the Manhattan district attorney's subpoena for his financial records after the Supreme Court ruled a president does not have broad immunity against a state grand jury investigation.
More: CNN

UnitedHealth Group registered more than $6.6 billion in profits in the second quarter — by far the conglomerate's highest quarterly profit ever, according to an analysis of company financial data from FactSet.
More: Axios

President Trump said Tuesday he would welcome ex-national security adviser Michael Flynn back with open arms to campaign for his re-election.
More: New York Post

The Human Rights Campaign, the country's largest LGBTQ rights advocacy organization, is opposing Sen. Susan Collins's reelection bid in Maine and endorsing her Democratic opponent, Sara Gideon. It's the first time that the HRC has opposed Collins, a key Republican vote on LGBTQ rights, for reelection.
More: Washington Post

In Atlanta today, President Trump announced a "top to bottom overhaul" of the regulations that govern one of the nation's most significant environmental laws. The aim is to speed up approval for major projects like pipelines and highways, but critics say it could sideline the concerns of poor and minority communities impacted by those projects, and discount their impact on climate change.
More: NPR

A top Trump administration health official violated federal contracting rules by steering millions of taxpayer dollars in contracts that ultimately benefited GOP-aligned communications consultants, according to an inspector general report released Thursday.
More: Politico

In the middle of a devastating pandemic and a searing economic crisis, the White House has an urgent question for its colleagues across the administration: Are you loyal enough to President Donald Trump?
More: Politico

The prosecutor investigating the St. Louis couple who aimed guns at protesters says she has received racist attacks and death threats that have worsened as President Trump has thrown his support behind the couple.
More: Washington Post

 

 



 

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